Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 7

Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got more questions. So sue me. Just kidding. You wouldn’t really sue me would you? Would you? Where’s the ACLU when I need them?

1. I read once that the sign of the dollar was created by placing the ’U’ for United over the ’S’ for States. I can even remember when there were two vertical lines over the ’S’ instead of the single one so commonly found today. But my question is this: when did that symbol change from representing the esteem that the one who carried it had earned from those he traded fairly and well with, to representing the shameful way in which the one who carries it turns a profit? Maybe that’s why, unconsciously, we changed the ’U’ to a slash.

2. I saw an Ohio Lottery TV ad where a guy jumps through one of those holes you throw down like in the old cartoons. Am I the only one who sees the irony in the relationship between the fact that the hole was black and what typically happens to people who chase riches through gambling?

3. While channel surfing, I happened across Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Can someone please tell how someone can ask for help when the question involves the number of vowels in states whose names are displayed right in front of him?

4. Have you ever been so angry that you literally gave thanks that you were not in possession of ’the button’ that could destroy the world?

5. I have an idea for what could become a highly sought after ’gag’ gift for Nerds: men’s underwear with handles in the back! While I’m not sure if anyone would be crazy enough to wear them, the fact that being a Nerd has become so chic these days would give a product like this great value as a symbol of the ’torment’ Nerds have had to endure! Ah hah! Who’s crazy now? Oh shut up!

6. What do you think better reflects the true personality of Americans today, the face they present on shows like Maury and Jerry Springer, the face they present on all of those ’judge’ shows, or the face they show on all of those ’reality’ shows?

7. In the heat of summer, it’s not hard for me to accept the idea of global warming. In the cold of the winter I’m now struggling through, I can also accept the notion that humanity’s screw up is actually holding off the next Ice Age. But I wonder if the eggheads arguing on either side have considered the possibility that they’re all right? Could the fact that we’ve done such a great job - blindly as usual - staving off the coming ice through global warming - again quite blindly - that we’re actually bringing on an uncomfortable warm period followed by an Ice Age worse than what we were originally headed for? Perhaps we should not so easily dismiss the science behind the movie The Day After Tomorrow. Sadly however, history proves that while we can be very good at picking through the small stuff, we’re really bad when it comes to seeing the big picture.

8. Have you ever noticed how the products that claim to be more healthy are also more expensive? I guess this is just another example of how only the wealthy can afford good health care these days.

9. While watching tonight’s episode of 60 Minutes, a disturbing question occurred to me. One of the pieces was about the never ending fight between the peoples of the middle east over the Israeli / Palestinian lands. This reminded of children fighting over a toy and of the typical results of such disputes - destruction of the toy either by the kids or by an intervening parent. Considering the growing destructive power of the local players, and the enormous destructive capacities already in the hands of the powers seeking to settle the dispute, how long will it be before that area gets reduced to a gleaming radioactive wasteland that no one will live on for many, many years? Note that my reference to ’gleaming’ comes from my having heard that sand melted in a nuclear explosion would harden into green glass. Not that I’d advocate finding out in such a manner, but I would like to know if this is true.

10. Another piece from tonight’s episode of 60 Minutes was about the attempt by scientists to fight the effects of aging by producing pills made from a highly concentrated form of the chemical resperitol (?) found in red wine. They say that this chemical activates a gene in our bodies that cause it to go into a kind of ’survival’ mode, which increases the bodies ability to fight off the things that make aging so dangerous. As evidence, they showed the results from animal an microbial studies that seem to back up their claims. But 60 Minutes also presented people who claim that this same gene is activated through radical reductions in calorie intake. These people also had animal and human studies to back up their claim. They also claim that it is our high fat, high calorie diet that turn off the gene in the first place. So my question is this: Even if the new drug works as expected and is proven to be safe, doesn’t it simply represent another attempt by humans to escape the moral responsibility to take care of our bodies that freedom of lifestyle comes with?

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 6

Again with the endless questions. Please note that this time there will be a test.

1. The ’progressive’ U.S. tax system requires the wealthy to pay more taxes than the poor. In fact, those at the top end of the income scale are sometimes expected to pay thousands of times more than those at the low end of the income scale. Why then, are people surprised that the principles separating freedom fighters from pirates have become corrupted?

2. How is it that American citizens can express more outrage at the treatment of people who openly desire the destruction of our country than they do at the treatment of Americans imprisoned simply because of how they chose to treat their own bodies? Or should the question be why are they surprised that those prisoners are being treated that way considering how we treat our own people? Please note that just as ’high minded’ butting in has inspired the terrorists, it has also inspired a flagrant disregard for the law by many of our own people.

3. The news is filled with talk about the racist history of the Washington, DC area. I suppose they think that shocking us with such ’terrible revelations’ will inspire us to watch their wall-to-wall coverage of the upcoming Obama inauguration. But considering that we know all to well that this country was built on the backs of slaves, just who is it that they think will be shocked? I just want all the hoopla to be over so the man can get on with the monstrous task ahead of him. What would shock me would be for all those talking heads to shut up for a change and let the poor guy do his job!

4. Being the eternal optimist who always looks for the silver lining, do you think that maybe my distant cousins will finally get Manhattan Island back after all is said and done? Okay, enough with the laughing about the ’eternal optimist’ bit!

5. Who in hell designed the standard keyboard layout? After all this time using it, I still hit Delete when I want End and write nad when I mean and. It’s not my fault I tell ya!

6. I don’t normally watch the show Ghost Whisperer because it’s so depressingly reminiscent of all that supernatural crap from my childhood. But the lack of cable has caused me to watch a lot of shows lately that I wouldn’t normally watch. Having it on my TV right now has inspired me to wonder about some of my own dead friends and family. Here are just a few of my thoughts:

a. Was my brother sad that he wouldn’t be able to spend the Easter of 1970 with me while he was dying from two gunshots to the chest? The police said that the shooter was my brother’s best friend, in a drug-induced craze, using my brother’s own gun. Others said that the police had framed my brother’s friend for a hit actually done by them to prevent my brother from testifying in a police-involved stolen property case.

b. What was it like for my father to die all alone in the V. A. hospital during that same year? I don’t know the actual date because I was considered ’too fragile’ to be told right away and I was to pissed to ask when I was.

c. Did the fact that our friendship ended, over a dispute about Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, have anything to do with my former best friend’s suicide in 1980?

d. Was the son we lost ever conscious after labor had to be induced when my wife’s water broke too soon? I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t actually remember the date this happened, but I’ll bet that my ex-wife does.

e. I never said so before he died in 1995, but did my friend from work - the friend who taught me so much - ever know just how much I liked him? "You’ve got to be smarter than what you’re working with," is still one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard.

f. What were my mother’s final thoughts while dying, unnoticed, on the floor of the L.A. rest home she had been left in by my niece, who apparently couldn’t be bothered with her any more? That was in 2004.

g. From tonight’s episode, how would I react to having someone tell me that the ’memories’ I seem to be having are actually true recollections from a previous life?

h. What was really going on when I was in that medically-induced coma, when I seemed to be flying over strange lands, out into space, and even into the future?

i. And does the fact that, in my dreams, I return over and over to people and places I have no conscious memory of mean that I actually exist in multiple worlds at the same time? While I find the possibility quite intriguing, the reality of it scares me half to death.

7. I read or heard somewhere that plants like wheat and rye are subject to disease that can cause people to become sick and/or delusional. I’ve even heard it said that, during the Salem witch trials, some testimony about things the accused had supposedly done where actually hallucinations caused by ingesting bread made from tainted grain. If this is true, then doesn’t it shine doubt on other visions of ’supernatural events’ referenced in our history books and religious tomes? Speaking as one who has had hallucinations from illness as well as from ’other’ causes, I know all too well just how real they can seem.

8. Regarding the last item, I suppose that there are those who now asking, "Is that why he’s so &#%@ed up?" The fact is that, however hallucinations are caused, the processes within the brain are the same. You should no more doubt my faculties than you would doubt the faculties of anyone who has previously had a high fever. While I may have shown poor judgement in the past, you should judge my current reasoning capacity by my current actions. And I submit that the contents of this Weblog stand as clear testimony that my rational faculties are in good working order. Bedeep, bedeep, that’s all folks!

9. I hear that Barak Obama is trying to quit smoking. Borrowing a bit from the movie Airplane! "Man did he pick a hard time to quit?"

10. Am I the only one who sees the ultimate irony in Visa calling their new credit card The Black Card?

Just kidding about the test. Did the thought of it make you thirsty?

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 5

Here are even more of those endless questions. You should now be hearing the theme music from 2001: A Space Odyssey. If not, try increasing the volume on your TV set.

1. Have you ever heard the song Shout by the group Tears For Fears? If you’ve ever wondered what this weblog is all about, you’ll find a large part of the answer there.

2. There once was a fictional story about The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. Why does the real life story so often come down to the cute, the weak, and the petty? I feel a song coming on: "The unsung western hero. He killed an Indian or three. And he made his name in Hollywood. To set the White man free. Jesus save me." - Jethro Tull.

3. It’s been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Okay, we’re at the gates and they’re about to open. Who goes first? And yet another song: "Step right up. And don’t be shy. Because you will not believe your eyes." - The Tubes: She's A Beauty.

4. I’ve got to hand it to that Murphy guy. Not only did his laws provide all the warning we needed to avoid the monstrous pot hole we’ve all fallen into, but he’s completely unreachable by anyone wanting revenge for all the constant reminders. Isn’t that just too cool? The man sounds Noble Prize worthy to me.

5. As everyone rushes to jump on the bail-out bandwagon, I’m reminded of The Cars when they asked, "Who’s going to drive you home... tonight?"

6. As I write this, I am still without an Internet connection. I’m sure that there are many other people who’re in the same boat. So why does it appear that every business and TV station assumes we’re all connected? Perhaps they only care about those who are.

7. I don’t have a cable connection either, but I just love over-the-air commercial TV. Does anyone know how to enter deranged laughter into this thing?

8. I hate the fact that William Peterson is leaving CSI. But I felt the same way when Mandy Patempkin left Criminal Minds and that show is still going strong. So what the hell do I know? Maybe Lawrence Fishburne will make the show even better.

9. To quote the parrot from Aladdin: "Why am I not surprised" that the government’s forced conversion to DTV has turned out to be so badly managed?

10. Assuming the DTV conversion thing gets worked out, wouldn’t it be nice if it proves instrumental in breaking the high priced stranglehold the cable and satellite companies have on quality TV programming?

11. I saw a TV ad claiming that the makers of a child locator device trust only Duracell batteries in their product. I hate ads that try to use fear to sell products. In response, my twisted imagination spit out an alternate ending where the bad guy escapes in an electric car who’s makers also trust only Duracell batteries in their product. Am I sick or what?

12. Man I have got to get a life! I’m taking Styx’s Too Much Time On My Hands to unheard of new levels. Does anybody have one I can borrow?

13. Is any of this stuff funny? I’m too sober to tell. Maybe it’s all the caffeine, or the nicotine, or the lack of sleep...

14. PBS is advertising a new documentary about comedy. I know I haven’t seen the show yet, but could it possibly include anything more funny than Jim Lehrer trying to tell a joke?

15. Is it really fair to call a show Sex In The City when there’s no hard core action anywhere in it?

16. Does anyone really believe that the hot babes shown in those TV ads have nothing better to do than sit around chatting on the phone with a guy that can’t get a real date?

17. Is Judge Judy such a hard ass because she’s so old, the litigants are so stupid, or both? The latter would be my guess.

18. Where do I get a ticket to see Judge Judy do that bionic-superwoman-in-heels stunt live?

19. During his final press conference, President Bush said that another terrorist attack is still one of the greatest challenges to be faced by the incoming Obama administration. Do you think that the terrorists would be stupid enough to attack us now considering the likelihood that Obama’s popularity would cause the rest of the world to rise against them as never before? But then again, maybe the rest of the world is even more stupid than the terrorists.

20. Am I the only one who would have stood up and cheered if Bill Clinton had answered the attacks against him with, "Yeah, I had me some fun with that woman. Now I’ve got to answer to Hillary. Lord help me! So I will thank you to keep your damn noses out of our private lives, you ambulance chasing dogs!"

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 4

Here are yet more of those endless questions.... Yadabing, yadaboom. You know how this goes.

1. Why do people insist that Robin Hood was a thief who robbed from the rich to give to the poor, when the story was actually about a man fighting to regain the riches stolen from him by the government? Equality by any means is Not the same as fighting for a just cause.

2. I heard that some ’great thinkers’ once debated the number of angels that could stand on the head of a pin. How did people stupid enough to waste their time like that ever learn to count in the first place?

3. People whine and complain about how they suffer from other people’s second-hand smoke. Who do I complain to about all the second-hand bull crap I have to put up with?

4. Why are Israelis and Palestinians killing each other over land that would be considered worthless by any other that mystical standards?

5. In the song The Last Resort, The Eagles said that when you "call some place paradise, you kiss it goodbye." History proves just how true this statement really is. But why?

6. Just because I live in Ohio, is it really fair that I’m limited to watching the Cincinnati Bungles and the Cleveland Clowns on Sunday? Maybe when I’m all growed up and rich and stuff, I’ll be able to get that NFL Sunday Ticket on Direct TV!

7. If we really want to get rid of racism, shouldn’t we just force everyone to make babies with someone of a different race? Nah! It wouldn’t work. We’d just replace racism with ’shadism.’

8. For those who want to guarantee the ’purity’ of their race, may I suggest in-breeding? Oh wait. That’s how you got to be that way to begin with. No, I’m not just being facetious. The races quite literally evolved over the millennia through isolated groups breeding only within their group.

9. Why are people just now realizing that they can save money by re-using their sandwich bags? While I don’t have much use for sandwich bags, I’ve been washing and re-using my resealable storage bags for years. Not only do I save money this way, but it’s ’eco-friendly’ to boot.

10. Why do people keep shooting each other? Haven’t they ever heard about lead poisoning? Okay, I know it’s a lame joke and also two questions, but I’m just a kid at heart. What do I know? "Oops I did it again..."

11. If, as Rush says in Entre Nous, "The spaces in between leave room for us to grow." Then why do we fill those spaces with barriers to prevent us from growing together?

12. If, as Pink Floyd says in Your Possible Pasts, "I was just a child then. Now I’m only a man." When do I get to be more?

13. I think it’s so unfair to burden our children with being ’the hope for our future.’ Wouldn’t it be better to inspire them by demonstrating that we are ’the hope for their present?’

14. We adults don’t like talking to our kids about a ’sensitive’ subjects like sex. And we damn well won’t allow other adults to talk to them about it either. But do we really think that our kids are better off learning about sex from other, equally ignorant, kids on the streets and playgrounds?

15. Why is it that, no matter how long I’ve waited for a bus, it always comes right after I light a cigarette?

16. Will someone please tell me just what kind of mighty morphin’ movie magic was used to transform our system of Justice Tempered By Mercy into the system of Mercy Tempered By Justice we have now?

17. If it’s true that sweet attracts more flies that sour, then why does a steaming pile of crap have them both beat hands down?

18. I may be an Unbeliever, but I absolutely support the right of a doctor or pharmacist to refuse to provide what they consider to be legal yet morally objectionable services, as long as they don’t act to prevent other doctors and pharmacists from doing so. My only question is: Why deny this freedom to other business owners regardless of their reasons? I don’t want to do business with someone who thinks I’m a piece of crap, and a truly free society will always have those who care more about my money and less about my politics.

19. With the ’bad economy’ causing so much downward pressure on both wages and prices, I wonder if we could’ve avoided some of this trouble by not being so greedy in the first place? If so, then perhaps there’s nothing ’wrong’ with our economy at all and this is all simply a ’market correction.’

20. The next four items can be categorized as "But why Daddy? Because I said so!" or "Do as I say, not as I do!"

a. Considering how we treat the rich as if they couldn’t possibly have earned their wealth, should we really be surprised when only those who’ll take it any way they can get it seek to be rich?

b. After spending so much effort denigrating the legal and political professions, why should anyone be surprised that the people willing to go into them are also the kind of people who can be tempted into corruption?

c. After spending so much time, effort, and money criminalizing the activities of millions of Americans, why should anyone be surprised that our society is now filled with outlaws?

d. After making it the sworn duty of our police to arrest people who have harmed no one other than themselves, why are we then surprised when the resulting conflict of interest leads to corruption and dereliction of duty?

The following should be read as if spoken by Walter Cronkite. ’And so it ends for now. Join us again next time for more questions from the ridiculous to the profound on...’

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 3

Questions, questions everywhere, but I do wonder if anyone cares.

1. I loved reading Ayn Rand’s novel Anthem, as well as the beautiful tribute to it by Rush in 2112. In the book, however, society had devolved to the point where candles were amongst their greatest accomplishments. This was because they had rejected the philosophical basis on which a technological society must stand. In contrast, 2112 described a society dominated by a ruling class that used technology to enforce the same philosophical denials found in Anthem. This issue is important to me because I see signs of the same type of devolution happening in the real world, as evidenced by the dwindling numbers of young people taking up careers in the very disciplines used to build our modern world. Now, having an electronics background and a continuing interest in computers, I know that self-maintaining systems could one day become a reality. So my question is this: Could such a philosophically backwards society as that described in 2112 ever exist?

2. Ever since reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, I have been intrigued by the motor invented by the character John Galt, which ran on energy drawn directly from the Earth’s atmosphere. The few people I’ve discussed this with have all responded that such a device was impossible. But mankind has a long history of accomplishing things previously thought to be impossible. So I’m not so easily dissuaded. The way I see it, what we call ’weather’ is just nature’s rather chaotic way of seeking to balance the enormous energies produced by the even more enormous forces at work in, on, and around our planet. And if you’ve ever seen lightning you know that tapping into those energies is possible. The Earth does it thousands of times a day. Given that, wouldn’t you agree that it would be worthwhile to do some research into what could possibly be an unlimited source of energy and a way of taming the weather?

3. Now I believe that a person has an inviolate right to do anything with his money he wants, but I have been seeing almost the same ads asking for help for the starving kids of the world since I was a poor kid myself. Yet there seems to be more starving kids in the world than ever before. What’s up with that? I thought we’d figured out what causes kids.

4. This ’question’ is inspired by the TV show The Mentalist, which is on as I write. The way the main character, Jane(?), uses keen observation and deductive reasoning to solve mysteries puts him on par with Mr. Holmes himself. The particular thing that inspired me to rush to the keyboard was the response he gave when a cop mistakenly, and with typical disdain, referred to him as "that Psychic she’d heard about." I suppose the writers thought that the air of mysticism they cloak the guy in adds more appeal to the show, but having him answer, "There are no such things as Psychics." was just the perfect touch. Perfect because I feel like I’ve spent my entire life fighting to stay sane while drowning in a virtual sea of mysticism and superstition. Now with all this in mind, just how do you think that I have ’known,’ since I was a kid in the 70’s, that we were headed for both religion-inspired warfare and economic disaster? And trust me, we ain’t seen nothing yet. I really hope I’m wrong, but I haven’t been so far.

5. There was recent news that a Chinese company will soon market an electric car at roughly half the price of the much heralded Chevy Volt. The company’s automotive venture stems from it’s roots in the manufacture of, believe it or not, cell phone batteries! Could it be that we’d have been better off investing in Eveready rather than bailing out the auto industry? Maybe they could call their new car The Energizer Bunny! It keeps going and going...

6. On the subject of driving, wouldn’t a reckless driver be more accurately described as a ’wreckfull’ driver? Okay, my spell checker kind of spoiled this one a little. I actually thought the word was spelled ’wreckless.’ But damn it, the principle still matters!

7. On the subject of misused words, why do we call a someone who works hard to care for the things most important to him ’selfless’ and someone who apparently couldn’t care less ’selfish.’ Why if I didn’t know better... Hey wait. I don’t know better! Someone is trying to steal my self. Doe! That’s like the soul, right?

8. Regardless of how I may feel about the military or my experiences therein, it still pisses me of to hear people toss around words like ’service’ and ’sacrifice’ as if their experiences could in any way meet the definitions known all too well by those who have either survived, or have lost loved one to, real suffering. Just what do people think those words mean?

9. If a mother calls it a ’sacrifice’ to buy her kid new shoes for school instead of new kicks for herself to go clubbing, doesn’t that mean that she values her kicks more than she values her kid?

10. If harm to any part harms the whole, then why do we consider it a ’duty’ to give ’til it hurts?

I want ice water.