Heroes: Joan of Arcadia

As someone who has frequently railed against concepts like “God” in this blog, my choice of Joan of Arcadia for admission to my Heroes hall of fame will probably come as a surprise to many. Well, it’s like this: you don’t get to choose the source from which beautiful inspiration comes.

Like a powerfully deep and frequently humorous admixture of the mythology’s of Joan of Arc and Job, the character Joan Girardi suffers through more than the usual teenage high school misadventures while attempting to accomplish the missions she is sent on by a God that simply refuses to be ignored – and who just happens to appear to her in the guise of whatever incidental person she can be seen talking to without drawing the attention to her plight that she so desperately craves. All of the characters are soul-deep and brilliantly played.

And best of all, the fabulous assortment of God characters are stunning for both their “un-Godly” appearance and for their wonderfully insightful dialog. I tried, but was unable, to get an actual count of the many incarnations of God that appeared in the show. Trust me, there were quite a few!

When, in perhaps the most series-explanatory episode, Secret Service, principal Price discovers Joan holding an empty egg carton near his freshly egged car, he wrongly assumes she’s the culprit and punishes her with a weekend of community service. She can’t, of course, tell him that it was God as Goth Kid that suggested that she should help clean up to prevent anyone from getting hurt. With no more direction from God than to “rise above the injustice,” Joan tries to figure out if she’s meant to help a former girlfriend of her brother Kevin, a bitter former nun named Lilly who is overseeing the service project, or one of the social outcasts who are there serving as a result of their own offenses.

er reluctance to have sex with her boyfriend, Adam, is driving a wedge between them. Adam is afraid that his sexual interest in Joan has driven a wedge between himself and his art teacher, Joan’s mother. Joan’s mother is questioning her value as an art teacher after having had her department’s budget cut by the evil principal Price. Kevin, Joan’s wheelchair-bound bother, has withdrawn from any hope of a meaningful love-life after his breakup with the aforementioned Lilly. And Luke, Joan’s ultra-nerd brother, is devastated at not having won a much-coveted science geek award.

After all is said and done… Luke learns that the true reward for his efforts comes from the work itself when he meets another great but unrecognized mental giant while filling in for Joan at the bookstore. His girlfriend even takes him to the restaurant that he would have been taken to had he won the award. When Adam visits Joan at the community service center in an attempt to apologize for having lied to her in order to give himself space to think, he meets Bonnie, a troubled but talented young artist that helps to restore some meaning to both his and Joan’s mother’s life after he introduces the two and the girl is invited into their art class. And Kevin is reunited with Lilly when she runs into Kevin’s car while driving Joan home. Kevin’s brakes had failed because their father insisted that he could “fix” them, and Lilly broke the ice by wise-cracking “Whatcha bitchin’ about? You’re already crippled!”

Having no awareness of all the good that has resulted from her “weekend in purgatory” – or of the impending trouble caused by Adam taking a bite from the “apple” named Bonnie – Joan confronts God:

In the final two episodes, Common Thread and Something Wicked This Way Comes, God tells Joan that her last two years were just a kind of “boot camp” to prepare her for her greatest challenge, which is to go toe-to-toe with a man who also talks to God – and has a sinister agenda…

Ryan Hunter is mysterious, charming, wealthy and influential. The guy even saved Adam when he was lost in the woods during a storm. And he too talks to God. But the guy definitely has a dark side, along with a clear distaste for the almighty. And what’s up with the wind blowing whenever he’s around? And despite Joan’s stated misgivings about him, he somehow has managed to endear himself to those that she cares about – and without whom she feels helpless to fight back.

Call it God’s plan, or fate, or whatever, the fact is that the breakup with Adam, and the seismic shift that has occurred within her little circle in the aftermath, all came about because of Joan’s willingness to carry out God’s little assignments while keeping them totally in the dark. No matter how you slice it, Joan has been set up for the battle of her life – perhaps for all our lives – at a time when her faith, in herself, in her companions, and in her God, is at an all time low.

But while Ryan Hunter apparently has the newspapers, the police, and even the school board, in his pocket – even as he acts to destroy everything Joan and her friends holds dear – Joan is not without her own inner arsenal which begins to reveal itself just when she needs it most. And she is most definitely not alone!

I know that I’m not alone in regretting CBS’s decision to cancel this series. Perhaps the producers couldn’t find a way to convince the network that there was an audience for an apocalyptic battle between the “Antichrist” and a teen aged girl. I don’t know. What I do know is that this series has provided me with more opportunities than I can count for deep reflection about the relationships between people and the powerful, if hard to see, impact that all our actions have.

I try very hard to remember these lessons whenever I see this blog’s sorry statistics.

I want ice water.

Heroes: Pinky and The Brain

And now, in yet another example of my brilliant insight and over-arching good will Oh shut up!, I present the next nominee for my Heroes Hall Of Fame: The Brain and Pinky Shut up I say!.

First there is The Brain, who is without doubt the most intelligent mouse that has ever lived, and who just happens to speak in a voice not unlike that of the great Orson Wells. So what if he has a few issues of social dysfunction like wanting to take over the world. Don’t we all have our little follies?

And then there is his faithful sidekick, Pinky, who while not being quite the shining example of stunning intellect represented by The Brain, nevertheless manages to bring a certain human-like charm to this tail. And besides, he reminds me of that voice inside my head that helps prevent me from trying to take over the world. What? I swear that it’s my own voice! Oh will you please shut up! Sometimes I swear I’ll blow my own head off just to get some peace and quiet! Naarf!

And now I’m off to plan for our, er, my next great adventure! Shush! You know what I’m talking about. Of course I know they can hear me! And don’t call me Shirley! What do you mean that’s a whole other character? Oh shut up! Naarf!

I want ice water.

TV News Anchors

Have you ever noticed that, no matter how good your mood was when you started out, just a few minutes of TV News can bring you crashing down to Earth?

Perhaps I misunderstood what they meant by “Anchor”

I want ice water.

I’m Not That Flexible

I’ve just finished watching a recording of this past Sunday’s episode of In Plain Sight. It was about a bridge designer who had to go into witness protection after testifying that a bridge that had collapsed and killed many had had it’s design changed by the builder. The sad ending to the story, and why it hit me so hard, was that the man realized that the collapse of the bridge had less to do with the changes the builder had made than it had to do with a logical error he himself had been making throughout his career.

In the end, he stood on the first bridge he had ever built – now packed with explosives and wired to a dead man’s switch in his hand – explaining to the shows stars why it had to end this way. He said, “I just can’t go from being a man who was never wrong to being one that was never right. I’m not that flexible.”

Man, I can relate to that. Pride is a very powerful thing.

I want ice water.

Speech Therapy

This article has been inspired by a rerun of Boston Legal where Alan Shore started having these bouts where his usually well conceived and colorful manner of speech came out of his mouth as pure gibberish instead. Being a lawyer renowned for his eloquent oratory, he was understandably concerned. While discussing the problem with his partner Denny Crane, he revealed that, other than Denny himself, his words were his only real friends. This struck me like the proverbial lightning bolt.

As anyone who has read my ramblings before would know, I have a certain fondness for using lots of words, in what I hope has been a well conceived manner, to precisely get across the ideas I want to express. My readers will also not be surprised to read that I have a rather large ego. The fact is that my large ego – the very essence of me – revolves around my love for using precise language to express my thoughts. So I hope you can understand why Alan’s problem struck home with me.

I had already been fascinated by the slow progression of Denny’s Alzheimer’s disease – what he calls his “mad cow.” As someone with a big ego and a history of mental illness, the idea of losing ones faculties is frightening enough. But to add in the prospect that I could be speaking with what I thought was my usual brilliance only to have everyone within earshot look at me as if I’d gone stark raving mad… Well that’s a truly terrifying prospect indeed.

The truth is that I’m no where near as good live as I think I am on paper (screen?), but I think you get what I mean. Since no one knows what the future will bring, I guess the thing to do is to speak (or write) about the subjects that are important to me while I can. And that’s exactly what I intend to do.

I want ice water.

Radicals Like Me

Note: I’ve provided The Who’s We Won’t Get Fooled Again for your listening pleasure while you read this article.

I have been inspired to write this article by watching a little of today's Glenn Beck show. He was talking to Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame) about how speaking against the government these days can get you labeled as a radical, or worse, a militant. This stuck with me because I sometimes fear the same thing when it comes to the things I write about here. I know that Mr. Jillette has claimed his alliance with The Libertarian Party, and I think that Mr. Beck has at least declared his sympathies for their beliefs. Regardless of that, I absolutely agree with their statement that if someone today wrote something similar to Thomas Paine's Common Sense, they would be labeled a radical.

As for political parties, someone once said something to the effect of "I wouldn't join any group that would have me as a member." I think it was either Will Rogers or Mark Twain, but I haven't been able to find the quote when searching through theirs. Regardless of who said it, as an independent thinker not wanting to swear allegiance to any group or party, this thought has been with me from the moment I heard it. As I've said before, I consider myself to be an Objectivist from a philosophical perspective. This means that I work hard not to allow subjective thoughts and feelings to influence my opinions and actions on specific issues.

By definition, claiming membership in a group or political party means that you have adopted the statements and platforms of that group or party as your own. While I realize that this is not literally true for those who join groups and political parties, they do expose themselves to having to defend or deny statements and opinions that they had nothing to do with. I refuse to put myself in that position, regardless of how "out in the cold" that leaves me.

If you were to ask me, however, which political party comes closest to the way I see things, I would have to say The Libertarian Party. But again, I have no intention of giving blanket approval to their party platform by joining. And in case anyone thinks it hasn't occurred to me, I'm fully aware of how my frequent references to Ayn Rand and her philosophy of Objectivism invites being tagged as a "Randian." I am also aware that the late Ayn Rand, and those who stand in her stead, has rejected the Libertarians even though so many Libertarians point to her as the influence that led them to that party. I can only guess that other Objectivists feel as I do about joining political parties.

At any rate, I will continue to write what I think until those with the torches and pitchforks drag my cold, dead hands from the keyboard.

I want ice water.

Heroes: Inspiration

Readers of this blog have heard me rail against organized religion and belief in the supernatural in general. You’ve also heard me preach about the benefits and necessity for rational thinking. But I hope that my strong belief in our potential - and my faith in our ability to live up to that potential - has been revealed as well. If this blog reveals nothing more about my character than this, then I will be satisfied.

All my life, I have searched for inspiration. From books like The Holy Bible, Atlas Shrugged, Time Enough For Love, and The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant. From movies like The Ten Commandments, It’s A Wonderful Life, and The Day The Earth Stood Still. From TV shows like Gun Smoke, Law and Order, and Star Trek. And from the songs of groups like The Temptations, Pink Floyd, and Rush.

Another thing that should be clear from reading this blog is how I love to include the music and lyrics from songs that relate to what I’m talking about. The great thing about my favorite movies and TV shows is that they combine great visuals with great music. In this article, I will attempt to combine all three elements - the visual, the music, and the lyrics - from two of my all-time favorite TV shows: The Greatest American Hero and Star Trek: Enterprise.

I chose these shows because they represent my life-long desire to be, and to inspire others to be, a force for good in the world. The Greatest American Hero represents how being a hero is not always a matter of choice, and that mistakes can and will happen along the way. The entire Star Trek line-up represents what can happen when good people stand up and make the right choices. I’m hard pressed to find another SciFi collection that presents such a positive view of the future. Star Trek: Enterprise is the greatest of the line-up because it’s the closest in the time-line to where we are now, and therefore presents a more relevant look at the moral issues - both social and technological - that we face.

-

The Greatest American Hero
(Believe It Or Not by Mike Post and Stephen Geyer)

Look at what’s happened to me,

I can’t believe it myself.

Suddenly I’m up on top of the world,

It should've been somebody else.

Believe it or not,

I’m walking on air.

I never thought I could feel so free.

Flying away on a wing and a prayer.

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it’s just me.

It’s like a light of a new day,

It came from out of the blue.

Breaking me out of the spell I was in,

Making all of my wishes come true.

Believe it or not,

I’m walking on air.

I never thought I could feel so free-.

Flying away on a wing and a prayer.

Who could it be?
Believe it or not it’s just me.

-

Star Trek: Enterprise
(derived from the song Faith Of the Heart written by Diane Warren and sung by British opera star Russell Watson. This song was first featured in the film Patch Adams, performed by Rod Stewart)

It’s been a long road

Getting from there to here

It’s been a long time

But my time is finally here

And I can see my dreams come alive at night

I can touch the sky

And they’re not gonna hold me down no more

No they’re not gonna change my mind

(Chorus)

’Cause I’ve got faith of the heart

I’m going where my heart will take me

I’ve got faith to believe

I can do anything

I’ve got strength of the soul

No one’s going to bend nor break me

I can reach any star

I’ve got faith

I’ve got faith

Faith of the heart

I want ice water.

Pride, Respect and Pain

After a very long time, I had the opportunity to talk to my oldest son the other day. I say ’talk to’ because I hardly let him get in a word edgewise. When I realized how much I was hogging the conversation I started to apologize by telling him how rare it has become for me to have someone to talk to, and that was when he told me how much he has in fact missed listening to me. Since we were also discussing his becoming my roommate, I was glad to hear him say that. But his statement planted a thought in my head that didn’t come to the fore until I watched Tavis Smiley’s interview with Mickey Rourke tonight.

Mr. Rourke’s description of the childhood demons that plagued him almost to the point of self-destruction caused me to reflect on my own. Both of us were affected by childhoods filled with violence and pain, and both of us chose to develop a ’hard’ persona to protect us from that pain while attempting to prove that we were a match for the evils that we perceived the world to have set against us. The difference between us lies only in the manner in which we chose to present our ’hardness’ to the world. His choice was the persona of the man who could not be touched through a shield of violence. My choice was the persona of the man who could not be touched through a shield of mental perfection.

I’ve always been so determined to prove that I was too ’smart’ to be affected on any deep level by the chaos and pain of our lives. I did this by attempting to appear to have an answer to everyone’s problem, and of course, an appropriate sermon to go along with my advise. This had both positive and negative consequences. On the positive side, maintaining this persona required me to learn quite a lot about the human condition, and also how to communicate my ideas effectively. On the negative side, this persona made conversing with me a real ’downer’ for some, and made me appear as an arrogant ass to others.

The problem was that perfecting this persona had become the very basis for any sense of pride that I had. I simply never believed that I could ever truly be respected without it. But the harder I worked at it the more difficult the task became, and I seemed to be moving farther and farther away from the respect I wanted. In a very real sense, my ego had become like the planet held up by the shoulders of Atlas, which only grew heavier the harder I strained to hold it up. Eventually it became more than I could bear and I had a mental breakdown as a result. The irony of it all is that as I slid down into addiction and despair, I became in reality both unreachable and untouchable to those around me.

I have to admit that I found comfort for a while in being thought of as ’crazy’ by other people. After all, who would expect a crazy person to have all the answers? But at the same time it really irked me to be judged ’chemically imbalanced’ by doctors and ’unemployable’ by the government. Especially when my mental state seemed to me the logical result of being a sane person living in an insane world. But over time I have come to realize that ’sane’ is a relative term, and that no one is completely sane when compared to some perfectionist ideal. I’ve also come to see that the disappointment that I saw in peoples eyes when I was really screwing up wasn’t because I had been revealed as imperfect after all - everyone already knew I was human, but because it looked like I had given up on striving for perfection - what actually made me special to them in the first place.

It’s now been over two weeks since I started writing this article. Something about the subject matter, in combination with other events in my life, made it too difficult to continue until tonight. What got me going again was seeing Mickey Rourke on Charley Rose last night and helping my oldest son move in with me earlier today. As far as the Rourke interview last night is concerned, I was again struck by the amazing combination of strength and vulnerability that exudes from the man. How can I not feel compassion for a man whose ’shield’ has failed him at least as badly as my own has failed me? But at the same time, how can I not have hope for myself when I see how possible it is for one to survive the failure and come out better for it?

I don’t know if the people who have been disappointed by my failures feel so because I had given them hope and then dashed it, or because I was no longer amusing them by acting like some Don Quixote character battling against impossible odds. And I guess it’s that not knowing that fuels my fear of being a further disappointment or an even bigger fool. But I know that the bottom line that I must stick with is the fact that I do what I do for myself and that it’s my own respect that I must earn. Pain is, after all, an unavoidable consequence of being alive, and genuine pride can only come from self-respect.

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 7

Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got more questions. So sue me. Just kidding. You wouldn’t really sue me would you? Would you? Where’s the ACLU when I need them?

1. I read once that the sign of the dollar was created by placing the ’U’ for United over the ’S’ for States. I can even remember when there were two vertical lines over the ’S’ instead of the single one so commonly found today. But my question is this: when did that symbol change from representing the esteem that the one who carried it had earned from those he traded fairly and well with, to representing the shameful way in which the one who carries it turns a profit? Maybe that’s why, unconsciously, we changed the ’U’ to a slash.

2. I saw an Ohio Lottery TV ad where a guy jumps through one of those holes you throw down like in the old cartoons. Am I the only one who sees the irony in the relationship between the fact that the hole was black and what typically happens to people who chase riches through gambling?

3. While channel surfing, I happened across Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Can someone please tell how someone can ask for help when the question involves the number of vowels in states whose names are displayed right in front of him?

4. Have you ever been so angry that you literally gave thanks that you were not in possession of ’the button’ that could destroy the world?

5. I have an idea for what could become a highly sought after ’gag’ gift for Nerds: men’s underwear with handles in the back! While I’m not sure if anyone would be crazy enough to wear them, the fact that being a Nerd has become so chic these days would give a product like this great value as a symbol of the ’torment’ Nerds have had to endure! Ah hah! Who’s crazy now? Oh shut up!

6. What do you think better reflects the true personality of Americans today, the face they present on shows like Maury and Jerry Springer, the face they present on all of those ’judge’ shows, or the face they show on all of those ’reality’ shows?

7. In the heat of summer, it’s not hard for me to accept the idea of global warming. In the cold of the winter I’m now struggling through, I can also accept the notion that humanity’s screw up is actually holding off the next Ice Age. But I wonder if the eggheads arguing on either side have considered the possibility that they’re all right? Could the fact that we’ve done such a great job - blindly as usual - staving off the coming ice through global warming - again quite blindly - that we’re actually bringing on an uncomfortable warm period followed by an Ice Age worse than what we were originally headed for? Perhaps we should not so easily dismiss the science behind the movie The Day After Tomorrow. Sadly however, history proves that while we can be very good at picking through the small stuff, we’re really bad when it comes to seeing the big picture.

8. Have you ever noticed how the products that claim to be more healthy are also more expensive? I guess this is just another example of how only the wealthy can afford good health care these days.

9. While watching tonight’s episode of 60 Minutes, a disturbing question occurred to me. One of the pieces was about the never ending fight between the peoples of the middle east over the Israeli / Palestinian lands. This reminded of children fighting over a toy and of the typical results of such disputes - destruction of the toy either by the kids or by an intervening parent. Considering the growing destructive power of the local players, and the enormous destructive capacities already in the hands of the powers seeking to settle the dispute, how long will it be before that area gets reduced to a gleaming radioactive wasteland that no one will live on for many, many years? Note that my reference to ’gleaming’ comes from my having heard that sand melted in a nuclear explosion would harden into green glass. Not that I’d advocate finding out in such a manner, but I would like to know if this is true.

10. Another piece from tonight’s episode of 60 Minutes was about the attempt by scientists to fight the effects of aging by producing pills made from a highly concentrated form of the chemical resperitol (?) found in red wine. They say that this chemical activates a gene in our bodies that cause it to go into a kind of ’survival’ mode, which increases the bodies ability to fight off the things that make aging so dangerous. As evidence, they showed the results from animal an microbial studies that seem to back up their claims. But 60 Minutes also presented people who claim that this same gene is activated through radical reductions in calorie intake. These people also had animal and human studies to back up their claim. They also claim that it is our high fat, high calorie diet that turn off the gene in the first place. So my question is this: Even if the new drug works as expected and is proven to be safe, doesn’t it simply represent another attempt by humans to escape the moral responsibility to take care of our bodies that freedom of lifestyle comes with?

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 6

Again with the endless questions. Please note that this time there will be a test.

1. The ’progressive’ U.S. tax system requires the wealthy to pay more taxes than the poor. In fact, those at the top end of the income scale are sometimes expected to pay thousands of times more than those at the low end of the income scale. Why then, are people surprised that the principles separating freedom fighters from pirates have become corrupted?

2. How is it that American citizens can express more outrage at the treatment of people who openly desire the destruction of our country than they do at the treatment of Americans imprisoned simply because of how they chose to treat their own bodies? Or should the question be why are they surprised that those prisoners are being treated that way considering how we treat our own people? Please note that just as ’high minded’ butting in has inspired the terrorists, it has also inspired a flagrant disregard for the law by many of our own people.

3. The news is filled with talk about the racist history of the Washington, DC area. I suppose they think that shocking us with such ’terrible revelations’ will inspire us to watch their wall-to-wall coverage of the upcoming Obama inauguration. But considering that we know all to well that this country was built on the backs of slaves, just who is it that they think will be shocked? I just want all the hoopla to be over so the man can get on with the monstrous task ahead of him. What would shock me would be for all those talking heads to shut up for a change and let the poor guy do his job!

4. Being the eternal optimist who always looks for the silver lining, do you think that maybe my distant cousins will finally get Manhattan Island back after all is said and done? Okay, enough with the laughing about the ’eternal optimist’ bit!

5. Who in hell designed the standard keyboard layout? After all this time using it, I still hit Delete when I want End and write nad when I mean and. It’s not my fault I tell ya!

6. I don’t normally watch the show Ghost Whisperer because it’s so depressingly reminiscent of all that supernatural crap from my childhood. But the lack of cable has caused me to watch a lot of shows lately that I wouldn’t normally watch. Having it on my TV right now has inspired me to wonder about some of my own dead friends and family. Here are just a few of my thoughts:

a. Was my brother sad that he wouldn’t be able to spend the Easter of 1970 with me while he was dying from two gunshots to the chest? The police said that the shooter was my brother’s best friend, in a drug-induced craze, using my brother’s own gun. Others said that the police had framed my brother’s friend for a hit actually done by them to prevent my brother from testifying in a police-involved stolen property case.

b. What was it like for my father to die all alone in the V. A. hospital during that same year? I don’t know the actual date because I was considered ’too fragile’ to be told right away and I was to pissed to ask when I was.

c. Did the fact that our friendship ended, over a dispute about Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, have anything to do with my former best friend’s suicide in 1980?

d. Was the son we lost ever conscious after labor had to be induced when my wife’s water broke too soon? I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t actually remember the date this happened, but I’ll bet that my ex-wife does.

e. I never said so before he died in 1995, but did my friend from work - the friend who taught me so much - ever know just how much I liked him? "You’ve got to be smarter than what you’re working with," is still one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard.

f. What were my mother’s final thoughts while dying, unnoticed, on the floor of the L.A. rest home she had been left in by my niece, who apparently couldn’t be bothered with her any more? That was in 2004.

g. From tonight’s episode, how would I react to having someone tell me that the ’memories’ I seem to be having are actually true recollections from a previous life?

h. What was really going on when I was in that medically-induced coma, when I seemed to be flying over strange lands, out into space, and even into the future?

i. And does the fact that, in my dreams, I return over and over to people and places I have no conscious memory of mean that I actually exist in multiple worlds at the same time? While I find the possibility quite intriguing, the reality of it scares me half to death.

7. I read or heard somewhere that plants like wheat and rye are subject to disease that can cause people to become sick and/or delusional. I’ve even heard it said that, during the Salem witch trials, some testimony about things the accused had supposedly done where actually hallucinations caused by ingesting bread made from tainted grain. If this is true, then doesn’t it shine doubt on other visions of ’supernatural events’ referenced in our history books and religious tomes? Speaking as one who has had hallucinations from illness as well as from ’other’ causes, I know all too well just how real they can seem.

8. Regarding the last item, I suppose that there are those who now asking, "Is that why he’s so &#%@ed up?" The fact is that, however hallucinations are caused, the processes within the brain are the same. You should no more doubt my faculties than you would doubt the faculties of anyone who has previously had a high fever. While I may have shown poor judgement in the past, you should judge my current reasoning capacity by my current actions. And I submit that the contents of this Weblog stand as clear testimony that my rational faculties are in good working order. Bedeep, bedeep, that’s all folks!

9. I hear that Barak Obama is trying to quit smoking. Borrowing a bit from the movie Airplane! "Man did he pick a hard time to quit?"

10. Am I the only one who sees the ultimate irony in Visa calling their new credit card The Black Card?

Just kidding about the test. Did the thought of it make you thirsty?

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 5

Here are even more of those endless questions. You should now be hearing the theme music from 2001: A Space Odyssey. If not, try increasing the volume on your TV set.

1. Have you ever heard the song Shout by the group Tears For Fears? If you’ve ever wondered what this weblog is all about, you’ll find a large part of the answer there.

2. There once was a fictional story about The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. Why does the real life story so often come down to the cute, the weak, and the petty? I feel a song coming on: "The unsung western hero. He killed an Indian or three. And he made his name in Hollywood. To set the White man free. Jesus save me." - Jethro Tull.

3. It’s been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Okay, we’re at the gates and they’re about to open. Who goes first? And yet another song: "Step right up. And don’t be shy. Because you will not believe your eyes." - The Tubes: She's A Beauty.

4. I’ve got to hand it to that Murphy guy. Not only did his laws provide all the warning we needed to avoid the monstrous pot hole we’ve all fallen into, but he’s completely unreachable by anyone wanting revenge for all the constant reminders. Isn’t that just too cool? The man sounds Noble Prize worthy to me.

5. As everyone rushes to jump on the bail-out bandwagon, I’m reminded of The Cars when they asked, "Who’s going to drive you home... tonight?"

6. As I write this, I am still without an Internet connection. I’m sure that there are many other people who’re in the same boat. So why does it appear that every business and TV station assumes we’re all connected? Perhaps they only care about those who are.

7. I don’t have a cable connection either, but I just love over-the-air commercial TV. Does anyone know how to enter deranged laughter into this thing?

8. I hate the fact that William Peterson is leaving CSI. But I felt the same way when Mandy Patempkin left Criminal Minds and that show is still going strong. So what the hell do I know? Maybe Lawrence Fishburne will make the show even better.

9. To quote the parrot from Aladdin: "Why am I not surprised" that the government’s forced conversion to DTV has turned out to be so badly managed?

10. Assuming the DTV conversion thing gets worked out, wouldn’t it be nice if it proves instrumental in breaking the high priced stranglehold the cable and satellite companies have on quality TV programming?

11. I saw a TV ad claiming that the makers of a child locator device trust only Duracell batteries in their product. I hate ads that try to use fear to sell products. In response, my twisted imagination spit out an alternate ending where the bad guy escapes in an electric car who’s makers also trust only Duracell batteries in their product. Am I sick or what?

12. Man I have got to get a life! I’m taking Styx’s Too Much Time On My Hands to unheard of new levels. Does anybody have one I can borrow?

13. Is any of this stuff funny? I’m too sober to tell. Maybe it’s all the caffeine, or the nicotine, or the lack of sleep...

14. PBS is advertising a new documentary about comedy. I know I haven’t seen the show yet, but could it possibly include anything more funny than Jim Lehrer trying to tell a joke?

15. Is it really fair to call a show Sex In The City when there’s no hard core action anywhere in it?

16. Does anyone really believe that the hot babes shown in those TV ads have nothing better to do than sit around chatting on the phone with a guy that can’t get a real date?

17. Is Judge Judy such a hard ass because she’s so old, the litigants are so stupid, or both? The latter would be my guess.

18. Where do I get a ticket to see Judge Judy do that bionic-superwoman-in-heels stunt live?

19. During his final press conference, President Bush said that another terrorist attack is still one of the greatest challenges to be faced by the incoming Obama administration. Do you think that the terrorists would be stupid enough to attack us now considering the likelihood that Obama’s popularity would cause the rest of the world to rise against them as never before? But then again, maybe the rest of the world is even more stupid than the terrorists.

20. Am I the only one who would have stood up and cheered if Bill Clinton had answered the attacks against him with, "Yeah, I had me some fun with that woman. Now I’ve got to answer to Hillary. Lord help me! So I will thank you to keep your damn noses out of our private lives, you ambulance chasing dogs!"

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 4

Here are yet more of those endless questions.... Yadabing, yadaboom. You know how this goes.

1. Why do people insist that Robin Hood was a thief who robbed from the rich to give to the poor, when the story was actually about a man fighting to regain the riches stolen from him by the government? Equality by any means is Not the same as fighting for a just cause.

2. I heard that some ’great thinkers’ once debated the number of angels that could stand on the head of a pin. How did people stupid enough to waste their time like that ever learn to count in the first place?

3. People whine and complain about how they suffer from other people’s second-hand smoke. Who do I complain to about all the second-hand bull crap I have to put up with?

4. Why are Israelis and Palestinians killing each other over land that would be considered worthless by any other that mystical standards?

5. In the song The Last Resort, The Eagles said that when you "call some place paradise, you kiss it goodbye." History proves just how true this statement really is. But why?

6. Just because I live in Ohio, is it really fair that I’m limited to watching the Cincinnati Bungles and the Cleveland Clowns on Sunday? Maybe when I’m all growed up and rich and stuff, I’ll be able to get that NFL Sunday Ticket on Direct TV!

7. If we really want to get rid of racism, shouldn’t we just force everyone to make babies with someone of a different race? Nah! It wouldn’t work. We’d just replace racism with ’shadism.’

8. For those who want to guarantee the ’purity’ of their race, may I suggest in-breeding? Oh wait. That’s how you got to be that way to begin with. No, I’m not just being facetious. The races quite literally evolved over the millennia through isolated groups breeding only within their group.

9. Why are people just now realizing that they can save money by re-using their sandwich bags? While I don’t have much use for sandwich bags, I’ve been washing and re-using my resealable storage bags for years. Not only do I save money this way, but it’s ’eco-friendly’ to boot.

10. Why do people keep shooting each other? Haven’t they ever heard about lead poisoning? Okay, I know it’s a lame joke and also two questions, but I’m just a kid at heart. What do I know? "Oops I did it again..."

11. If, as Rush says in Entre Nous, "The spaces in between leave room for us to grow." Then why do we fill those spaces with barriers to prevent us from growing together?

12. If, as Pink Floyd says in Your Possible Pasts, "I was just a child then. Now I’m only a man." When do I get to be more?

13. I think it’s so unfair to burden our children with being ’the hope for our future.’ Wouldn’t it be better to inspire them by demonstrating that we are ’the hope for their present?’

14. We adults don’t like talking to our kids about a ’sensitive’ subjects like sex. And we damn well won’t allow other adults to talk to them about it either. But do we really think that our kids are better off learning about sex from other, equally ignorant, kids on the streets and playgrounds?

15. Why is it that, no matter how long I’ve waited for a bus, it always comes right after I light a cigarette?

16. Will someone please tell me just what kind of mighty morphin’ movie magic was used to transform our system of Justice Tempered By Mercy into the system of Mercy Tempered By Justice we have now?

17. If it’s true that sweet attracts more flies that sour, then why does a steaming pile of crap have them both beat hands down?

18. I may be an Unbeliever, but I absolutely support the right of a doctor or pharmacist to refuse to provide what they consider to be legal yet morally objectionable services, as long as they don’t act to prevent other doctors and pharmacists from doing so. My only question is: Why deny this freedom to other business owners regardless of their reasons? I don’t want to do business with someone who thinks I’m a piece of crap, and a truly free society will always have those who care more about my money and less about my politics.

19. With the ’bad economy’ causing so much downward pressure on both wages and prices, I wonder if we could’ve avoided some of this trouble by not being so greedy in the first place? If so, then perhaps there’s nothing ’wrong’ with our economy at all and this is all simply a ’market correction.’

20. The next four items can be categorized as "But why Daddy? Because I said so!" or "Do as I say, not as I do!"

a. Considering how we treat the rich as if they couldn’t possibly have earned their wealth, should we really be surprised when only those who’ll take it any way they can get it seek to be rich?

b. After spending so much effort denigrating the legal and political professions, why should anyone be surprised that the people willing to go into them are also the kind of people who can be tempted into corruption?

c. After spending so much time, effort, and money criminalizing the activities of millions of Americans, why should anyone be surprised that our society is now filled with outlaws?

d. After making it the sworn duty of our police to arrest people who have harmed no one other than themselves, why are we then surprised when the resulting conflict of interest leads to corruption and dereliction of duty?

The following should be read as if spoken by Walter Cronkite. ’And so it ends for now. Join us again next time for more questions from the ridiculous to the profound on...’

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 3

Questions, questions everywhere, but I do wonder if anyone cares.

1. I loved reading Ayn Rand’s novel Anthem, as well as the beautiful tribute to it by Rush in 2112. In the book, however, society had devolved to the point where candles were amongst their greatest accomplishments. This was because they had rejected the philosophical basis on which a technological society must stand. In contrast, 2112 described a society dominated by a ruling class that used technology to enforce the same philosophical denials found in Anthem. This issue is important to me because I see signs of the same type of devolution happening in the real world, as evidenced by the dwindling numbers of young people taking up careers in the very disciplines used to build our modern world. Now, having an electronics background and a continuing interest in computers, I know that self-maintaining systems could one day become a reality. So my question is this: Could such a philosophically backwards society as that described in 2112 ever exist?

2. Ever since reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, I have been intrigued by the motor invented by the character John Galt, which ran on energy drawn directly from the Earth’s atmosphere. The few people I’ve discussed this with have all responded that such a device was impossible. But mankind has a long history of accomplishing things previously thought to be impossible. So I’m not so easily dissuaded. The way I see it, what we call ’weather’ is just nature’s rather chaotic way of seeking to balance the enormous energies produced by the even more enormous forces at work in, on, and around our planet. And if you’ve ever seen lightning you know that tapping into those energies is possible. The Earth does it thousands of times a day. Given that, wouldn’t you agree that it would be worthwhile to do some research into what could possibly be an unlimited source of energy and a way of taming the weather?

3. Now I believe that a person has an inviolate right to do anything with his money he wants, but I have been seeing almost the same ads asking for help for the starving kids of the world since I was a poor kid myself. Yet there seems to be more starving kids in the world than ever before. What’s up with that? I thought we’d figured out what causes kids.

4. This ’question’ is inspired by the TV show The Mentalist, which is on as I write. The way the main character, Jane(?), uses keen observation and deductive reasoning to solve mysteries puts him on par with Mr. Holmes himself. The particular thing that inspired me to rush to the keyboard was the response he gave when a cop mistakenly, and with typical disdain, referred to him as "that Psychic she’d heard about." I suppose the writers thought that the air of mysticism they cloak the guy in adds more appeal to the show, but having him answer, "There are no such things as Psychics." was just the perfect touch. Perfect because I feel like I’ve spent my entire life fighting to stay sane while drowning in a virtual sea of mysticism and superstition. Now with all this in mind, just how do you think that I have ’known,’ since I was a kid in the 70’s, that we were headed for both religion-inspired warfare and economic disaster? And trust me, we ain’t seen nothing yet. I really hope I’m wrong, but I haven’t been so far.

5. There was recent news that a Chinese company will soon market an electric car at roughly half the price of the much heralded Chevy Volt. The company’s automotive venture stems from it’s roots in the manufacture of, believe it or not, cell phone batteries! Could it be that we’d have been better off investing in Eveready rather than bailing out the auto industry? Maybe they could call their new car The Energizer Bunny! It keeps going and going...

6. On the subject of driving, wouldn’t a reckless driver be more accurately described as a ’wreckfull’ driver? Okay, my spell checker kind of spoiled this one a little. I actually thought the word was spelled ’wreckless.’ But damn it, the principle still matters!

7. On the subject of misused words, why do we call a someone who works hard to care for the things most important to him ’selfless’ and someone who apparently couldn’t care less ’selfish.’ Why if I didn’t know better... Hey wait. I don’t know better! Someone is trying to steal my self. Doe! That’s like the soul, right?

8. Regardless of how I may feel about the military or my experiences therein, it still pisses me of to hear people toss around words like ’service’ and ’sacrifice’ as if their experiences could in any way meet the definitions known all too well by those who have either survived, or have lost loved one to, real suffering. Just what do people think those words mean?

9. If a mother calls it a ’sacrifice’ to buy her kid new shoes for school instead of new kicks for herself to go clubbing, doesn’t that mean that she values her kicks more than she values her kid?

10. If harm to any part harms the whole, then why do we consider it a ’duty’ to give ’til it hurts?

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 1

I hope you get my attempt at humor in the title of this post. It refers, in my version of phonetic spelling, to Tonto's frequent answer to The Lone Ranger's questions. And as the title suggests, this post will consist of a random collection of questions. They range from pure silliness to more serious issues of philosophy and science. Some I've thought about for years, some are more recent, and I won't be surprised if I think of new ones as I write. The creative process is like that. It's also possible that I'll answer my own question while trying to verbalize it. The creative process is like that too. I really hope that it happens. If it does, I'll write about my answer as well.

So please grant me a resounding "No, my slow friend. There are no stupid questions!" And as The Joker said: "Here... we... go!"

1. This one has bothered me for years. Astronomers say that the universe is approximately 14.5 billion years old. They also say that it began in The Big Bang and has been expanding ever since. In addition, they say that since light takes time to travel over a distance, we see distant stars as they were when the light we see left them. So light that left a star a thousand years ago will show us the state of that star as it was a thousand years ago. Okay, I can except that. But these same folks are now claiming that their cutting-edge telescopes now allow them to see the very edge of the universe - nearly 14 billion light-years away. They say this distance also allows them to see back in time to right after The Big Bang. They even claim to have pictures of what they call 'infant galaxies' to prove it. This brings several questions to mind:

a. Call me stupid but, if the universe was so much smaller that far back in time, wouldn't objects whose light left them at that time appear to be much, much, MUCH closer to us?

b. Could an 'evolving' physics have allowed objects to travel so much faster back then than they can now?

c. Could the speed of light itself have 'evolved' over time?

d. What does the universe look like from the edge?

e. What would you see looking out from the edge?

2. According to the religious, Man is nothing but 'dust in the wind.' If that's so, then how did we manage to create so many Gods?

3. According to the religious, Man's creations are nothing but 'dust in the wind.' If that's so, then what does that say about all those Gods we've created?

4. According to the religious, Man is God's favorite creation. If you were one of the countless possible creatures in the universe, wouldn't that just piss you off? Maybe that's why some people fear alien invaders.

5. Science has shown that we aren't, in fact, at the center of the universe. We actually inhabit an inconspicuous little planet, circling a back water system, in a run of the mill galaxy, amongst billions of other galaxies. Doesn't our true greatness lie in our ability to recognize these facts and get on with it anyway?

6. Let's say we live in some highly advanced technological society where all our food can be 'replicated' from 'raw atoms' or some such. Does killing for food then become immoral no matter how much we like to kill or chomp?

7. Considering the messy ways in which we reproduce and eliminate bodily wastes, does this mean that God has a really twisted sense of humor?

8. Why do people insist on asking what's wrong with me when they know very well that they have neither the time nor the patience to have me list all of the things that are wrong with me?

9. With all the abuse they have to take from the 'normal' people, why would homosexuals want to be called 'gay?'

10. Why don't lesbians refer to themselves as 'gay?' Aren't they happy? Okay, I know that's two questions.

11. We've got ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, millions, billions, and trillions. What's next? At the rate we're blowing through money, I think we'd better find out soon. And to think that people made fun of Carl Sagan!

12. If time is money, then what is money - from a philosophical perspective? Perhaps it represents the part of my life, time which I'll never get back, that has been spent earning my money. Could it be that money, and the property it buys, actually equates to life? Okay, I know that was two questions, but you won't catch me telling someone who's been robbed of his property that 'at least you have your life.' Especially not if that person is too old to re-earn all that he's lost!

13. If no 'place' existed before The Big Bang, then 'where' was God standing when he caused it?

14. If heaven is such a great place, then why aren't even the most religious people in a hurry to get there? Is that doubt I smell? Alright already with the bitching about multiple questions.

15. If heaven is the opposite of hell, then do the people there have to wear long johns under all those robes?

16. Did all of the people who figured out how to drive in winter last year move away, to be replaced by a new crop from the Caribbean?

17. Were the people who named the city of Islamabad trying to tell us something?

18. Aren't terms like 'military intelligence' and 'religious freedom' kind of oxymoronic?

19. If Man is such a terrible sinner, so riddled with faults that he should strive to correct, then why would the desire for perfection be considered one of his greatest sins?

20. The host of PBS's Wild Chronicles said that I have a greater chance of being struck by lightning than being bitten by a shark. I wonder if he meant me as a member of the total population, me as a member of the smaller population that occasionally spends time in the ocean, or me as a member of the smaller still population that happens to be in the ocean at a given moment?

Okay, that's it. I'm tired and my brain hurts. I'll post more questions later. After all, "I gotta million of 'em!"

I want ice water.

If You Really Must Know

My friends call me Mak. I’m a disabled Electronics Engineering Technician, Technical Writer, and Air Force veteran. In case my photo doesn’t make it clear, I come from a mixed heritage that includes Black, White and Native American. And trust me, my heritage – not to mention my appearance, has most definitely had an impact on my life.

I absolutely DO NOT claim to be an expert at or on anything. While I have spent my entire life watching, listening and reading in an effort to understand myself, other people, and the world we live in, I hope I’ll never be warped enough to claim that I have all the answers. And I have faith that no one else will make such a mistake either. It’s like that old joke about the ex-spurt: “Sonny, back when I was just a spurt like you…” I pray that I never come across as such an old fool.

I’ve always loved to write about my thoughts. Although my military training was as a Weather Observer Technician – which appealed to my love of science, and my education was for Electronics Engineering – which appealed to my love of technology, my primary loves have always been philosophy and writing. I didn’t choose them as a career because I had a family and didn’t think that they could produce the kind of immediate income a growing family requires. This Weblog allows me to pursue both while working through some personal issues in a kind of self-therapy journal.

My favorite music includes Pink Floyd, Rush, Yes, U2, The Eagles, The Moody Blues, The Alan Parsons Project, The Allman Brothers, Styx, Genesis, Vangelis, Queen, Jethro Tull, Led Zeppelin, Steely Dan, The Guess Who, Billy Joel, Elton John, Three Dog Knight, Grand Funk Railroad, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight, Sly & The Family Stone, and of course The Temptations.

My favorite authors include Ayn Rand, Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Stephen King, Stephen R. Donaldson, Orson Scott Card, Michael Crichton, Carl Sagan, Douglas Adams, and the teams of Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle, and Warren Murphy & Richard Sapir.

My favorite movies include Harvey, The Day The Earth Stood Still, The Fountainhead, High Noon, The Sound Of Music, Victor/Victoria, The Andromeda Strain, The Abyss, 2010, Firestarter, The Shining, The Unforgiven, The Mask, Liar Liar, Bruce Almighty, Contact, along with the Alien, Lord Of The Rings, Predator, Spider Man, Star Trek, The Matrix, and X-Men films, and all of the great comedies about ecentric inventors as well as every movie starring Jerry Lewis. I know I’m asking for disappointment, but will some great visionary please bring Atlas Shrugged to the screen?

My favorites from television include 24, Battlestar Galactica, Boston Legal, Burn Notice, Charley Rose, Criminal Minds, Damages, Eli Stone, Eleventh Hour, Eureka, Flash Point, Fringe, Frontline, House, Heroes, Joan of Arcadia, Knight Rider, Life, Mind of Mencia, Monk, NCIS, Nova, Numbers, Psyche, Saving Grace, Smallville, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Cronicles, The Daily Show, The Mentalist, The News Hour, The Unit, Two And A Half Men, and all of the CSIs, Law & Orders, Stargates, and Star Treks. Not listed are the inumerable shows with fantastic potential that somehow failed to get the support they deserved. Of these, my all time favorite was The Greatest American Hero.

Please note that none of the above lists are exhaustive, the authors and movies in particular. In all honesty, if a person or a group, through whatever media they choose, causes me to think – especially when good humor is used to do so, chances are I would include it on my list of favorite things. And at the top of that list would be everybody who has ever dared to use great comedy to pry open the eyes of the intentionally blind.

I don’t get out much. In fact I’m very uncomfortable around other people. I’m even uncomfortable with questions about my discomfort at being around other people. And for those who might wonder why such questions would cause me discomfort, it’s because questions like that evoke the image of people gleefully rubbing their hands together at the prospect of having a ‘weirdo’ they can torture to help alleviate their own anxiety caused by the secret belief that they are weird themselves. Would you feel comfortable saying that to someone?

I want ice water.