Behind My Eyes

Can you see through my eyes? Can you feel what I feel? Can you know my history, my hopes, my dreams, or my pain? No? Then tell me, why would you expect me to be able to see the world as you see it? Why would you even pretend that I could? Do you remember that old saying that no man is an island? Well it’s just as true that no mind is a community.

I can’t “feel your pain.” I don’t “know what you’re saying,” I can only hear you speak. I really don’t “get it.” And you certainly ain’t “got me.” I can’t “lie in your bed,” or “walk a mile in your shoes.” There is no such thing as a “psychic connection.” If we really want to understand one another, then we must get down to the hard work of communicating effectively.

There are two things that I have believed for as long as I can remember. The first is that the root of all evil grows best in the soil of misunderstanding. And the second is that we can do better. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t try so hard to be a good writer. Hell, I wouldn’t try at all. But I keep on trying in the vain hope that, by effectively articulating the life-sustaining imperative that we live our lives as rational beings, my writing will help to inspire a new age of reason.

Unfortunately, all I seem to have achieved so far is an appreciation for the mentality of the sociopath.

The Who – Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it’s like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

No one knows what it’s like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

And if I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

I want ice water.

The “Human” Stage

When Pink Floyd said, “I was just a child then, now I’m only a man,” they were hinting that we tend to dismiss our failings by minimizing our capacities. Being the idealistic fool that I am, it disturbs me when bad behavior gets written off as “merely human,” especially when the one doing the “writing off” is also the one who has behaved badly. Even when motivated by more “altruistic” concerns, I’m still disturbed that we demand so little from ourselves and each other. And no matter how good we’ve become at settling for less, I have to ask: How has our trying to cheat our way through worked out for us?

An unfortunate fact of reality is that our abilities to conceal, ignore, pretend, and steal help out a lot when dealing with those who would do us harm. And I’ll bet that those same abilities were very useful in all of those hostile environments that our species have had to evolve through. But another unfortunate fact is that those same abilities have also been the root cause of all human conflict. And while we may still face many “natural threats,” the most undeniable fact of all is that, in today’s world, we are our own worst enemy.

As I said in my article, It’s Nature’s Way Of Telling You Something’s Wrong:

But the laws of God or Science (your choice) use volcanism and weather to maintain the Earth’s energy balance. They also use famine and disease to maintain the Earth’s wildlife population balance. And despite our apparent belief that mankind is above the law, those same forces provide the means to keep us in check as well.

It’s called War….

The fact that we have such a knack for behaving badly, combined with that behavior having been so instrumental in getting us to where we are, might lead some to think that we’re locked into a fatal “Catch-22″ that will inevitably result in our destruction. I have to admit that I swing back and forth between excepting that we truly are fated to destroy ourselves, and what I’m afraid is a hopelessly idealistic faith that we can work things out. Considering the epic numbers of prescriptions being written for depression and other anxiety related illnesses, I think that I have more than a little company in that regard.

In a comment thread on What side of your Brian do you use?, I said (talking about yoga):

Building up my strength, balance and flexibility sounds good. Maybe it’ll ease my mind from thoughts like “Peace from the type of troubles we have is going to require another step in our evolution.”

Could it be that we must grow beyond the “Human” stage in our evolution in order to survive yet another great threat to our existence? We’ve done it before. Can we do so again quickly enough to avoid extinction?

Perhaps it’s as they say, “Timing is everything.” What do you think?

I want ice water.

Heroes: Thomas Paine – Our Forgotten Father

In today’s jargon, Thomas Paine would be called a right-wing hawk by those who disliked him for advocating revolution in France and later in America, and would be called a left-wing rabble-rouser by those who disliked his stances against slavery and organized religion, not to mention his advocacy of a social contract. Yet this country was founded upon the ideals of freedom from tyranny and oppression, and Thomas Paine was truly one of The United States Of America’s greatest founding fathers. It is an absolute travesty that we only hear about him these days when some politician borrows one of his powerful quotes to further his own political ambitions.

The intro on the Thomas Paine page of ushistory.org says:

“These are the times that try men’s souls.”

This simple quotation from Founding Father Thomas Paine’s The Crisis not only describes the beginnings of the American Revolution, but also the life of Paine himself. Throughout most of his life, his writings inspired passion, but also brought him great criticism. He communicated the ideas of the Revolution to common farmers as easily as to intellectuals, creating prose that stirred the hearts of the fledgling United States. He had a grand vision for society: he was staunchly anti-slavery, and he was one of the first to advocate a world peace organization and social security for the poor and elderly. But his radical views on religion would destroy his success, and by the end of his life, only a handful of people attended his funeral.

By the time Paine came under the tutelage of Benjamin Franklin in 1774, he had failed at just about everything he tried, with the one exception being the publication of The Case of the Officers of Excise in 1772, where he wisely argued for a pay raise for tax collection officers. But with the publication of Common Sense in 1776, in which he made a most persuasive argument for American Independence from England, and then The Crisis series of pamphlets from 1776-1783 to help inspire the Army, Thomas Paine became one of the most important figures of his time. According to ushistory.org, The Crisis series “as a percentage of the population … was read by or read to more people than today watch the Super Bowl.”

After returning to Europe and pursuing other ventures, including work on a smokeless candle and an iron bridge, he wrote The Rights of Man in 1791 and 1792 in defense of the French Revolution. This caused him to become an outlaw in England and to flee to France to avoid arrest. He was then imprisoned in France by 1793 for speaking against the execution of Louis XVI. He used his time in prison (1794-1796) to write and distribute the first part of The Age of Reason, in which he railed against organized religion. He narrowly escaped execution and was freed in 1794 thanks to the efforts of U.S. Minister to France James Monroe. He returned to America on an invitation from Thomas Jefferson in 1802, only to discover that his contributions to the American Revolution had been all but dismissed because of his religious views.

A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it a superficial appearance of being right – Thomas Paine

Every science has for its basis a system of principles as fixed and unalterable as those by which the universe is regulated and governed. Man cannot make principles; he can only discover them – Thomas Paine

The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion – Thomas Paine

He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from opposition; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach himself – Thomas Paine

To say that any people are not fit for freedom, is to make poverty their choice, and to say they had rather be loaded with taxes than not – Thomas Paine

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one – Thomas Paine

If we do not hang together, we shall surely hang separately – Thomas Paine

I have chosen to include Thomas Paine in my Heroes Hall of Fame because, of all the founding fathers, the views he expressed in his writing most closely resemble my own. I fear that we, as a nation, have forgotten him at our own peril.

I want ice water.

The Sin of Sloth

I was channel surfing earlier this evening when I came across an episode of Biography’s The Seven Deadly Sins. This one was about The Sin of Sloth, and it revealed to me some things about my own condition that I was not aware of. As if I actually needed more reasons to feel pissed off and outcast in this Hell on Earth global nuthouse.

Never having been one for religion, I had always assumed that the sin of sloth referred to people being too lazy to work or to maintain good personal and household hygiene. But apparently that’s only part of it. The sin of sloth also has to do with the causes of such laziness, such as having a weak moral character and being depressed – which many today still think of as being synonymous – and the things those causes lead to, like criminal activity and suicide. Apparently this is the reason the religious folk claim that sloth is the second most deadly sin.

As one who has suffered from depression for many years, I can see how others can confuse my lack of motivation with laziness. After all, I make no effort to “get out and meet people” yet still complain about being so terribly alone. And since I don’t anticipate being around anyone I care to impress, I’m not exactly what you’d call “diligent” when it comes to personal hygiene (I can’t stand an unkempt house, however). But I challenge anyone to label what’s important to me, my writing, as the work of a “lazy” person. And as far as having “a weak moral character” is concerned, I think the subject matter of my writing speaks for itself.

Now I have known lots of people who, just like me, don’t work. And yet most of them have no problem whatsoever when it comes to taking care of their personal hygiene or “getting out and meeting people.” Hell, as far as I can see, there’s nothing in the world more important to them than “feeling good, looking good, and looking for love.” And yet few of them seem to give a damn about cleaning their house and taking care of the property they live in and depend upon. So while you could argue that neither of us have much to show for our time on this Earth, you certainly can’t say that that has anything to do with who we are inside. So much for depression being synonymous with having a weak moral character.

If you’ve read the articles in the My Life volume of this blog, you’ll know that I do have some experience with the subjects of crime and suicide. So the question becomes: was it depression or having a weak moral character that led me to those things? Or perhaps more fundamental questions should be asked: if having a weak moral character and/or being depressed are such horrible personality traits, then why is suicide considered to be the worst sin of all, and why are all those religious folk so determined to prevent it? Why on Earth would they want us to stay?

I have to admit that I really wasn’t certain of where this would end up when I started writing. But then I guess that’s why writing is so therapeutic for me. All I knew when I turned on my old hunk-o-junk was that what was said on the TV show pissed me off, and I needed to deal with it. But now that I’ve worked it through, I’m left with one inescapable, if sickeningly familiar, conclusion: The prohibitions against Sloth and Suicide are “moral” justifications for human bondage.

Every culture that has ever existed has had at least one thing in common: the need for an “underclass” who can be blamed for the all the failings of that culture and who can be forced to do all that culture’s dirty work. Who better to blame for a culture’s lack of success than those who are “unproductive?” And who better to force into menial labor than those who are “shiftless” and “lazy?” Is this starting to sound familiar yet? Haven’t we all been taught that religion is both the “founding” and the “civilizing” force of our societies? What could be better than a justification for slavery that only a “heathen” would argue against?

I’ve spent my whole life resenting people because they’re all too willing to let me do their thinking and their work for them, and resenting religion because it tries to rob me of my individuality and my self-esteem. The problem with this logic is that it has lead me to erroneously think that I’ve been waging a war of two fronts, when the fact that over 95% of people are religious means that I’ve actually been battling an enemy with two faces. Like the character “Two Face” from the Batman comics, who swung from being the best kind of person one moment and the worst kind the next, the real enemy is the one who wants to be the slave-master but is willing to settle for selling his brother into bondage instead.

Now I know that we’ve come a long way since the days of treating those who suffer from depression as if they were possessed by demons, but it’s clear that some degree of animosity, disbelief, and distrust towards those so afflicted still exists, especially within the “less enlightened” segments of society. And it’s also true that the current age of “enlightenment” has brought with it every manner of “snake oil” salesman promising a pricey cure to a very vulnerable group that includes both the afflicted and those who care for them. Perhaps the lunatics are indeed running the asylum.

And now I think that it’s only proper that I include some lyrics from Pink Floyd:

Brain Damage

The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path

The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon

The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me ’till I’m sane
You lock the door and throw away the key
There’s someone in my head but it’s not me.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon

“I can’t think of anything to say except…
I think it’s marvellous! HaHaHa!”

I want ice water.

Heroes: Joan of Arcadia

As someone who has frequently railed against concepts like “God” in this blog, my choice of Joan of Arcadia for admission to my Heroes hall of fame will probably come as a surprise to many. Well, it’s like this: you don’t get to choose the source from which beautiful inspiration comes.

Like a powerfully deep and frequently humorous admixture of the mythology’s of Joan of Arc and Job, the character Joan Girardi suffers through more than the usual teenage high school misadventures while attempting to accomplish the missions she is sent on by a God that simply refuses to be ignored – and who just happens to appear to her in the guise of whatever incidental person she can be seen talking to without drawing the attention to her plight that she so desperately craves. All of the characters are soul-deep and brilliantly played.

And best of all, the fabulous assortment of God characters are stunning for both their “un-Godly” appearance and for their wonderfully insightful dialog. I tried, but was unable, to get an actual count of the many incarnations of God that appeared in the show. Trust me, there were quite a few!

When, in perhaps the most series-explanatory episode, Secret Service, principal Price discovers Joan holding an empty egg carton near his freshly egged car, he wrongly assumes she’s the culprit and punishes her with a weekend of community service. She can’t, of course, tell him that it was God as Goth Kid that suggested that she should help clean up to prevent anyone from getting hurt. With no more direction from God than to “rise above the injustice,” Joan tries to figure out if she’s meant to help a former girlfriend of her brother Kevin, a bitter former nun named Lilly who is overseeing the service project, or one of the social outcasts who are there serving as a result of their own offenses.

er reluctance to have sex with her boyfriend, Adam, is driving a wedge between them. Adam is afraid that his sexual interest in Joan has driven a wedge between himself and his art teacher, Joan’s mother. Joan’s mother is questioning her value as an art teacher after having had her department’s budget cut by the evil principal Price. Kevin, Joan’s wheelchair-bound bother, has withdrawn from any hope of a meaningful love-life after his breakup with the aforementioned Lilly. And Luke, Joan’s ultra-nerd brother, is devastated at not having won a much-coveted science geek award.

After all is said and done… Luke learns that the true reward for his efforts comes from the work itself when he meets another great but unrecognized mental giant while filling in for Joan at the bookstore. His girlfriend even takes him to the restaurant that he would have been taken to had he won the award. When Adam visits Joan at the community service center in an attempt to apologize for having lied to her in order to give himself space to think, he meets Bonnie, a troubled but talented young artist that helps to restore some meaning to both his and Joan’s mother’s life after he introduces the two and the girl is invited into their art class. And Kevin is reunited with Lilly when she runs into Kevin’s car while driving Joan home. Kevin’s brakes had failed because their father insisted that he could “fix” them, and Lilly broke the ice by wise-cracking “Whatcha bitchin’ about? You’re already crippled!”

Having no awareness of all the good that has resulted from her “weekend in purgatory” – or of the impending trouble caused by Adam taking a bite from the “apple” named Bonnie – Joan confronts God:

In the final two episodes, Common Thread and Something Wicked This Way Comes, God tells Joan that her last two years were just a kind of “boot camp” to prepare her for her greatest challenge, which is to go toe-to-toe with a man who also talks to God – and has a sinister agenda…

Ryan Hunter is mysterious, charming, wealthy and influential. The guy even saved Adam when he was lost in the woods during a storm. And he too talks to God. But the guy definitely has a dark side, along with a clear distaste for the almighty. And what’s up with the wind blowing whenever he’s around? And despite Joan’s stated misgivings about him, he somehow has managed to endear himself to those that she cares about – and without whom she feels helpless to fight back.

Call it God’s plan, or fate, or whatever, the fact is that the breakup with Adam, and the seismic shift that has occurred within her little circle in the aftermath, all came about because of Joan’s willingness to carry out God’s little assignments while keeping them totally in the dark. No matter how you slice it, Joan has been set up for the battle of her life – perhaps for all our lives – at a time when her faith, in herself, in her companions, and in her God, is at an all time low.

But while Ryan Hunter apparently has the newspapers, the police, and even the school board, in his pocket – even as he acts to destroy everything Joan and her friends holds dear – Joan is not without her own inner arsenal which begins to reveal itself just when she needs it most. And she is most definitely not alone!

I know that I’m not alone in regretting CBS’s decision to cancel this series. Perhaps the producers couldn’t find a way to convince the network that there was an audience for an apocalyptic battle between the “Antichrist” and a teen aged girl. I don’t know. What I do know is that this series has provided me with more opportunities than I can count for deep reflection about the relationships between people and the powerful, if hard to see, impact that all our actions have.

I try very hard to remember these lessons whenever I see this blog’s sorry statistics.

I want ice water.

Show Me, Don’t Tell Me

As a follower of the Objectivist teachings of Ayn Rand, I naturally have an interest in what others are saying on the subject. And just as I have, there are many other voices pointing out how those teachings are more important now than they have ever been. That is because the Objectivist philosophy represents the only clear path to achieving a truly moral society, and I could not agree more with those other voices. However, those other voices also cry out for a strengthening and renewal of the so-called “Objectivist Movement.” On this point, unfortunately, I must beg to differ.

Just like every other attempt at “group-think” in history, the Objectivist movement is doomed to failure because, by definition, “group-think” is a collectivist endeavor. The real benefits to mankind from the Objectivist philosophy have come and will come in the form all such benefits have taken: as side effects of actions taken by individuals working for their own self interest. And while it may be comforting to have others with whom we can commiserate and share war stories, any attempt to forge a “union” from such a group of radical free thinkers is destined for a very embarrassing public failure.

One needs only to look at the current state of the Libertarian Party to see what I mean. I believe that the Libertarians are all good and well intentioned people, but an example of Objectivist thinkers working well together they most definitely are not. How does appearing to the world like a bunch of loonies help to promote the Objectivist philosophy? “Collective Individualism” is a contradiction in terms.

As has always been the case, it’s the “show me, don’t tell me” strategy that will get the job done. To emphasize this point, I submit the lyrics to Show Don’t Tell by Rush – one of the world’s foremost proponents of Ayn Rand’s teachings:

How many times do you hear it?
It goes on all day long
Everyone knows everything
And no one’s ever wrong
Until later…

Who can you believe?
It’s hard to play it safe
But apart from a few good friends
We don’t take anything on faith
Until later…

Show…don’t tell…

(Show me, don’t tell me) … You’ve figured out the score
(Show me, don’t tell me) … I’ve heard it all before
(Show me, don’t tell me) … I don’t care what you say
(Show me, don’t tell me)

You can twist perceptions
Reality won’t budge
You can raise objections
I will be the judge
(And the jury)

I’ll give it due reflection
Watching from the fence
Give the jury direction
Based on the evidence
I, the jury

Show…don’t tell…

(Show me, don’t tell me) … Hey, order in the court
(Show me, don’t tell me) … Let’s try to keep it short
(Show me, don’t tell me) … Enough of your demands
(Show me, don’t tell me) … Witness take the stand
(Show me, don’t tell me)

Show…don’t tell…

Show…don’t tell…

(Show me, don’t tell me) … Hey, order in the court
(Show me, don’t tell me) … Let’s try to keep it short
(Show me, don’t tell me) … I don’t care what you say
(Show me, don’t tell me) … Let’s see exhibit A
(Show me, don’t tell me) … You’ve figured out the score
(Show me, don’t tell me) … I’ve heard it all before
(Show me, don’t tell me) … Enough of your demands
(Show me, don’t tell me) … Witness take the stand
(Show me, don’t tell me)

I want ice water.

Oh I Dreamed Last Night...

This is a partial reconstruction of a dream I had one night.

“Well that was a bust, wasn’t it?”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.”
“Give yourself some time to recuperate.?”
“And to reflect.”
“You’ll feel better then.”
“But I really thought that I’d get it right this time!”
“Where have I heard that before?”
“From me.”
“And me.”
“And me.”
“And me as well.”
“How do you keep going back, when it ends like this?”
“Because every time through gets us a little closer.”
“To becoming what we want to be.”
“What we’re meant to be.”
“You have to admit that you’ve advanced quite a lot.”
“But I screwed up so much, and left so much undone.”
“Well, considering the limited timespan…”
“And with what little we carry forward…”
“The steps are incremental by necessity.”
“But worthwhile in the end.”
“Well it’ll be a while before I try again.”
“You’ll get bored soon enough.”
“And filled with ideas on how to do better.”
“You won’t be able to resist.”
“We never can.”

And speaking of dreams, I’m reminded of I Dreamed Last Night by Justin Hayward & John Lodge from their Blue Jays album:

“Oh I dreamed last night I was hearing, hearing your voice
And the things you said well they left me, left me no choice
And you told me we had the power
And you told me this was the hour
That you don’t know how
If I could show you now?

Well I dreamed last night you were calling, calling my name
You were locked inside of your secrets, calling my name
And you told me lost was the key
And you told me how you long to be free
That you don’t know how
Oh let me show you now

Like a bird on a far distant mountain
Like a ship on an uncharted sea
You are lost in the arms that have found you
Don’t be afraid
Love’s plans are made
Oh don’t be afraid

If there’s a time and a place to begin love
It must be now
Let it go
Set it free

Oh I dreamed last night I was hearing, hearing your voice
Why did you say those things that have left me, left me no choice?
When you told me we had the power
Why did you tell me now was the hour?
But you don’t know how
Oh let me show you now

Like a bird on a far distant mountain
Like a ship on an uncharted sea
You are lost in the arms that have found you
Oh don’t be afraid
Love’s plans are made
Don’t be afraid

If there’s a time and a place to begin love
It must be now
Let it go
Set it free

Oh I dreamed last night I was hearing, hearing your voice…”

I want ice water.

Heroes: Ayn Rand and “The Fountainhead”

Ever since I created the Heroes category for my articles, I have felt the need to write one about my ultimate hero: Ayn Rand. The problem has been, as any of my readers know, my reverence for this great human being is evident throughout this blog. Finally, I realized that an expansion upon what inspired that reverence in the first place was in order. And that was her book The Fountainhead.

In my Opening Rant article, I described the book as “the story of a man [Howard Roark] who stood against the merciless tide of collective humanity out to destroy him for his unwavering stance in favor of his individual right to live as a free man – by his own standards and at his own expense.” That statement remains accurate, and yet leaves so much unsaid. To help fill that gap, I want to discuss what I think was a glaring error in the making of the movie version of the story. Now I know that others who love the book will be quick to point out that saying the movie had one error is a gross understatement, but I think all would agree the other mistakes pale in comparison to this one: Leaving out the part of the story that is most essential to understanding Rand’s message – even to understanding the story’s title – the fountainhead itself!

In my paperback copy, the book’s teaser says that “man’s ego is the fountainhead of human progress.” One point of story is to show that, in the real world, men like the character Ellsworth Toohey seek power over men through the destruction of their egos. Howard Roark, the architect, is the ultimate symbol of what a pure and unbridled human ego can accomplish, so he must be destroyed if Toohey’s plan for the conquest of man is to be achieved. To that end, Toohey browbeats simpleton rich-guy Hopton Stoddard into hiring Roark to design the Stoddard Temple of the Human Spirit – all the while planning to make a mockery of the temple using the power of the press to influence the masses who are unwilling to think for themselves.

But Howard Roark convinces Steven Mallory to sculpt the temple’s fountainhead statue using Dominique Francon as the model. Steven Mallory had tried to kill Ellsworth Toohey because, on an unconscious level, he recognizes the absolute evil that he represents. Roark chose him however, not because of his history with Toohey, but because he was the only artist equal to the task assigned to him by Roark’s vision. And Dominique Francon, in mentality, appearance, and stature – if not faith, was the living embodiment of what the temple was designed to pay homage to. Neither Francon or Mallory could hide the fact that they lived in dreadful fear of the power they thought Toohey had to destroy Roark. But in spite of their trepidations, the greatness of his vision was too much for them to resist.

The most important thing to understand about Roark, you see, is that in all the world he is the only one to recognize that, ultimately, Toohey is as insignificant as a bug on the windscreen of the vehicle of man’s forward-moving spirit. Even after Toohey’s media blitz caused the temple to be all but demolished and the reputations of everyone involved to be covered in slime, he remains unfazed. Even after those who loved him turned away in shame for having participated in what they thought of as his destruction, his only emotion was disappointment at their lack of faith.

As it did in the book, having that back story in place in the movie would have added so much to what I think is quite possibly the most memorable scene in the story: when broke and temporarily unable to find work, Roark is approached by Toohey one night while wandering the streets looking at projects under construction by other builders.

After starting with the usual Toohey-speak designed to induce fearfully-respectful babbling from most, Toohey finally asks: “Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear you.”

In response, Roark’s answer is both short and sweet: “But I don’t think of you.”

I want ice water.

Tolerance… Not! Smoking

At the risk of wasting even more of my precious breath, I want to talk about the new taxes being levied against us smokers. No, I’m not going to try to defend smoking - I know it’s bad for me. Blah, blah, blah. Instead, I want to defend my right to be treated as an equal in this society. An equal who should be free from the “targeting of convenience” mentality that seems to be running rampant in cash-starved government revenue agencies.

Being a cheapskate on a fixed budget I make my own cigarettes, so having the price of a 16oz bag of tobacco go $18 to $44 seems a wee bit EXCESSIVE to me. Regardless of all the babble about encouraging us to stop and using the money to fund health care efforts, we all know that this is nothing more than a grab for cash from a group who isn’t “popular” enough for anyone to defend. Hell, I’m probably one of the few smokers even willing to speak out. But before you dismiss me a just another nut fighting a lost cause, take a minute to allow me to add some reality to the issue.

First of all, what will happen to all those poor people whose health is being “saved” with this new revenue if this “encouragement to quit” blackmail actually works? Do you really believe that they think we will all quit? Second, if my health is such a concern to the government, then why do they block every attempt of the tobacco and pharmaceutical industries to market a smoke-free nicotine delivery system? While you can argue that nicotine is unhealthy, only a fool would say that it poses the health threat of all those other chemicals in cigarette smoke.

Of course, the real question is this: If tobacco is such a dangerous thing that poses such a threat to all of us, then why doesn’t the government just ban it outright? Please allow me to spell it out for you. The government knows that a ban on tobacco would only lead to a massive black market that they cannot prosper from. Then why not allow healthier alternatives that can be taxed? Because, like any addict, they’ve told so many lies that they simply can’t figure out how to do the right thing without revealing what monstrous hypocrites they truly are!

Indeed, the marketplace offers many opportunities for revenue generating regulation and taxation - drugs and prostitution are just a couple more examples. But rather than face the truth and deal with these things with the rational thinking they say we should use, they prefer to maintain their “because we said so!” attitudes and continue wasting precious lives and billions of dollars on lost-cause anti-crime efforts and drug wars.

And speaking of drugs, there’s a medium sized debate going on about whether or not marijuana should be legalized. While “the conservatives” argue against it because of the so-called “gateway” effect, the health nuts argue that marijuana smoke is even more unhealthy than cigarette smoke. But do you hear any of them admitting that making the prescription drug Marinol available over the counter to adults would solve this problem?

In closing, I want to remind you that smokers aren’t the only “targets of convenience” available for these new revenue enhancement measures. Drivers should be concerned about all those traffic cameras and the talk of new fuel consumption taxes. And what about the “fat taxes” I keep hearing about? The bottom line is that anyone not protected by the umbrella of “popularity” should keep an eye out - and up - for the big boot of government.

I am always amazed at how casually some can simply dismiss the rights of others simply because they don’t approve of how “those people” live. The issue here is not about health, the poor, or the Prez’s agenda. The issue is whether or not the majority has the right to target an “unpopular” group for taxation that is not shared across the board by all citizens. My answer is No! In a free society, there can be no such thing as the right to deny the rights of others.

On a more humorous note, maybe this ultra-litigious society provides hope after all. Remember all those new laws intended to protect the decent non-smokers from the horrors spewing from my mouth? Recent polls show that less than 20% of Americans smoke these days, while I think at least 95% spew forth mind-crushing second-hand bull#$%@. Where do I go to get laws passed protecting me from them?

I want ice water.

And The Band Plays On…

I got all riled up this evening when I heard of the death threats against AIG employees and their families. I immediately raced over to this old-hunk-o-junk PC of mine. I wanted to rail against the news media for getting this witch hunt started in the first place, and against those weak-kneed politicians that couldn’t resist piling on. I wanted to point out how, in the larger scheme of things, those guys at AIG are no more guilty than the rest of us who bought into this whole get very much for very little mentality that damned near sunk the whole she-bang.

Unfortunately this old-hunk-o-junk is so slow that I’ve had time to cool off a little - enough to realize that I’ve said it all before. So instead I’ve decided to simply let those good old boys of Rush say it for me, with their song…

Witch Hunt

The night is black
Without a moon
The air is thick, and still

The vigilantes gather on
The lonely torchlit hill

Features distorted in the flickering light
The faces are twisted and grotesque
Silent and stern in the sweltering night
The mob moves like demons possessed
Quiet in conscience, calm in their right —
Confident their ways are best

The righteous rise
With burning eyes
Of hatred and ill-will

Madmen fed on fear and lies
To beat, and burn, and kill

They say there are strangers, who threaten us
In our immigrants and infidels
They say there is strangeness, too dangerous
In our theatres and bookstore shelves
That those who know what’s best for us —
Must rise and save us from ourselves

Quick to judge
Quick to anger
Slow to understand

Ignorance and prejudice
And fear
Walk hand in hand

I want ice water

Dragged Down By The Stone

In the late 70's, during my first attempt at 'higher education,' I wrote an essay on how I thought that Pink Floyd's Animals was an accurate reflection of our society. Sadly, I don't have a copy to share with you today. I do however, find it sweetly ironic that now, some thirty-two years later, the Pigs are in the air with no place to land and the Dogs are in a drop-dead panic because the Sheep are on the rampage.

Please allow me to translate:

The Pigs are those whom we, for one reason or another, have granted 'positions of authority.' While they are mainly elected officials, all those who are looked to for leadership and guidance fall into this category as well.

The Dogs are those well-trained individuals who work so hard to squeeze every penny of profit they can out of the system we provide at the behest of the Pigs.

The Sheep includes pretty much everyone who are not Dogs or Pigs.

It is possible for a member of one group to move into another. And because of the 'special nature' of this wonder-land we live in, it is even possible for a player to exist in more than group at the same time. Isn't that cool?

Sadly though, there is trouble on the board. Paradise has turned into a ball of confusion. The Sheep are out for the Dogs blood now that they've realized their true place on the food chain. The Dogs are begging the Pigs for bail money now that their victims are circling around with leash / noose, in hand. And the Pigs are fluttering about like wounded ducks while simultaneously wagging their fingers at the Dogs and crying for the Sheep to have patience.

As Pink Floyd sang:

"Now it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw around.
So have a good drown, as you go down, all alone.
Dragged down by the stone."

Unfortunately, the 'you' in that prose might well be all of us.

I want ice water.

Update 3/20/09

I decided to update this article after watching John Oliver's (The Daily Show) stand-up performance on Comedy Central. With his being British and with Pink Floyd being British and with my fascination with that British accent - I think in a British accent at times don't you know, it just seemed appropriate that I include his closing thoughts as an update to this article.

John, and his comic 'scientist' sidekick, made the point that perhaps the reason the U.S. isn't working harder to solve the problems of the world is because the rules of this crazy game say that whoever is on top when the world ends must be declared the winner. Well for a die-hard fatalistic American patriot like myself, I had to consider that perhaps this was a good thing. It's just unfortunate that no one will be around to celebrate our glorious achievement.

Not being one to give up on fame and fortune at any cost, perhaps we can leave some sort of great American Monument bragging of said achievement for future alien visitors to find. That'll wipe the smirk off their proud little green planet-hopping faces!

I want ice water.

Radicals Like Me

Note: I’ve provided The Who’s We Won’t Get Fooled Again for your listening pleasure while you read this article.

I have been inspired to write this article by watching a little of today's Glenn Beck show. He was talking to Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame) about how speaking against the government these days can get you labeled as a radical, or worse, a militant. This stuck with me because I sometimes fear the same thing when it comes to the things I write about here. I know that Mr. Jillette has claimed his alliance with The Libertarian Party, and I think that Mr. Beck has at least declared his sympathies for their beliefs. Regardless of that, I absolutely agree with their statement that if someone today wrote something similar to Thomas Paine's Common Sense, they would be labeled a radical.

As for political parties, someone once said something to the effect of "I wouldn't join any group that would have me as a member." I think it was either Will Rogers or Mark Twain, but I haven't been able to find the quote when searching through theirs. Regardless of who said it, as an independent thinker not wanting to swear allegiance to any group or party, this thought has been with me from the moment I heard it. As I've said before, I consider myself to be an Objectivist from a philosophical perspective. This means that I work hard not to allow subjective thoughts and feelings to influence my opinions and actions on specific issues.

By definition, claiming membership in a group or political party means that you have adopted the statements and platforms of that group or party as your own. While I realize that this is not literally true for those who join groups and political parties, they do expose themselves to having to defend or deny statements and opinions that they had nothing to do with. I refuse to put myself in that position, regardless of how "out in the cold" that leaves me.

If you were to ask me, however, which political party comes closest to the way I see things, I would have to say The Libertarian Party. But again, I have no intention of giving blanket approval to their party platform by joining. And in case anyone thinks it hasn't occurred to me, I'm fully aware of how my frequent references to Ayn Rand and her philosophy of Objectivism invites being tagged as a "Randian." I am also aware that the late Ayn Rand, and those who stand in her stead, has rejected the Libertarians even though so many Libertarians point to her as the influence that led them to that party. I can only guess that other Objectivists feel as I do about joining political parties.

At any rate, I will continue to write what I think until those with the torches and pitchforks drag my cold, dead hands from the keyboard.

I want ice water.

Heroes: Inspiration

Readers of this blog have heard me rail against organized religion and belief in the supernatural in general. You’ve also heard me preach about the benefits and necessity for rational thinking. But I hope that my strong belief in our potential - and my faith in our ability to live up to that potential - has been revealed as well. If this blog reveals nothing more about my character than this, then I will be satisfied.

All my life, I have searched for inspiration. From books like The Holy Bible, Atlas Shrugged, Time Enough For Love, and The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant. From movies like The Ten Commandments, It’s A Wonderful Life, and The Day The Earth Stood Still. From TV shows like Gun Smoke, Law and Order, and Star Trek. And from the songs of groups like The Temptations, Pink Floyd, and Rush.

Another thing that should be clear from reading this blog is how I love to include the music and lyrics from songs that relate to what I’m talking about. The great thing about my favorite movies and TV shows is that they combine great visuals with great music. In this article, I will attempt to combine all three elements - the visual, the music, and the lyrics - from two of my all-time favorite TV shows: The Greatest American Hero and Star Trek: Enterprise.

I chose these shows because they represent my life-long desire to be, and to inspire others to be, a force for good in the world. The Greatest American Hero represents how being a hero is not always a matter of choice, and that mistakes can and will happen along the way. The entire Star Trek line-up represents what can happen when good people stand up and make the right choices. I’m hard pressed to find another SciFi collection that presents such a positive view of the future. Star Trek: Enterprise is the greatest of the line-up because it’s the closest in the time-line to where we are now, and therefore presents a more relevant look at the moral issues - both social and technological - that we face.

-

The Greatest American Hero
(Believe It Or Not by Mike Post and Stephen Geyer)

Look at what’s happened to me,

I can’t believe it myself.

Suddenly I’m up on top of the world,

It should've been somebody else.

Believe it or not,

I’m walking on air.

I never thought I could feel so free.

Flying away on a wing and a prayer.

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it’s just me.

It’s like a light of a new day,

It came from out of the blue.

Breaking me out of the spell I was in,

Making all of my wishes come true.

Believe it or not,

I’m walking on air.

I never thought I could feel so free-.

Flying away on a wing and a prayer.

Who could it be?
Believe it or not it’s just me.

-

Star Trek: Enterprise
(derived from the song Faith Of the Heart written by Diane Warren and sung by British opera star Russell Watson. This song was first featured in the film Patch Adams, performed by Rod Stewart)

It’s been a long road

Getting from there to here

It’s been a long time

But my time is finally here

And I can see my dreams come alive at night

I can touch the sky

And they’re not gonna hold me down no more

No they’re not gonna change my mind

(Chorus)

’Cause I’ve got faith of the heart

I’m going where my heart will take me

I’ve got faith to believe

I can do anything

I’ve got strength of the soul

No one’s going to bend nor break me

I can reach any star

I’ve got faith

I’ve got faith

Faith of the heart

I want ice water.

Ball Of Confusion - Revisited

I love the old Temptations song Ball Of Confusion and I’ve been waiting for quite a while for someone to do an updated version. Well I’m tired of waiting and will now tackle the task, at least the lyrics part, myself. My thanks to leoslyrics.com for the original lyrics.

Ball Of Confusion - Revisited

1, 2… 1, 2, 3, 4, Ow!

People moving out, foreclosures rolling in.

Why, because the bubble’s crashing in.

Run, run, run but you sure can’t hide.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Vote for me and I’ll set you free.

Rap on, brother, rap on.

Well, the only person talking about love thy brother is the…(preacher.)

And it seems nobody’s interested in learning but the…(teacher.)

Muslim nations, immigration, regulation demonstrations,

Aggravating humiliation, prisons all around our nation.

Ball of confusion.

Oh yeah, that’s what the world is today.

Woo, hey, hey.

The sale of guns are at an all time high.

People walking round with that look in their eye.

The cities are strange in the summer time.

And oh, the beat goes on.

Evolution disillusion, oil controls the screamin’ polls.

No mo’ rockets to the moon, kids still growing up too soon.

Politicians say low taxes will solve everything.

And the band plays on.

So, round and around and around we go.

Where the world’s headed, nobody knows.
[Instrumental]

Hey Google user, can’t you hear me talking to you.

Just a ball of confusion.

Oh yeah, that’s what the world is today.

Woo, hey, hey.

Fear in the air, tension everywhere.

Unemployment rising fast, Obama sure got elected fast.

And there’s no safe place to live, we’re now a well armed nation.

And the band plays on.

Eve of destruction, tax reductions, bridge inspectors set new records,

New blood in demand, economics out of hand,
Genocides, diamond kills, investors running for the hills.
People all over the world are shouting, "End the wars."

And the band plays on.

[Instrumental]

Hey Google user, can’t you hear me talking to you.

Sayin’… ball of confusion.

That’s what the world is today, hey, hey.

Let me hear ya, let me hear ya, let me hear ya.

Sayin’… ball of confusion.

That’s what the world is today, hey, hey.

Let me hear ya, let me hear ya, let me hear ya,
Let me hear ya, let me hear ya.

Sayin’… ball of confusion.

I’m so proud, but it sure wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. So don’t forget my check when you decide to record it. I may be laughing now, but I’m still a Capitalist.

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 7

Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got more questions. So sue me. Just kidding. You wouldn’t really sue me would you? Would you? Where’s the ACLU when I need them?

1. I read once that the sign of the dollar was created by placing the ’U’ for United over the ’S’ for States. I can even remember when there were two vertical lines over the ’S’ instead of the single one so commonly found today. But my question is this: when did that symbol change from representing the esteem that the one who carried it had earned from those he traded fairly and well with, to representing the shameful way in which the one who carries it turns a profit? Maybe that’s why, unconsciously, we changed the ’U’ to a slash.

2. I saw an Ohio Lottery TV ad where a guy jumps through one of those holes you throw down like in the old cartoons. Am I the only one who sees the irony in the relationship between the fact that the hole was black and what typically happens to people who chase riches through gambling?

3. While channel surfing, I happened across Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Can someone please tell how someone can ask for help when the question involves the number of vowels in states whose names are displayed right in front of him?

4. Have you ever been so angry that you literally gave thanks that you were not in possession of ’the button’ that could destroy the world?

5. I have an idea for what could become a highly sought after ’gag’ gift for Nerds: men’s underwear with handles in the back! While I’m not sure if anyone would be crazy enough to wear them, the fact that being a Nerd has become so chic these days would give a product like this great value as a symbol of the ’torment’ Nerds have had to endure! Ah hah! Who’s crazy now? Oh shut up!

6. What do you think better reflects the true personality of Americans today, the face they present on shows like Maury and Jerry Springer, the face they present on all of those ’judge’ shows, or the face they show on all of those ’reality’ shows?

7. In the heat of summer, it’s not hard for me to accept the idea of global warming. In the cold of the winter I’m now struggling through, I can also accept the notion that humanity’s screw up is actually holding off the next Ice Age. But I wonder if the eggheads arguing on either side have considered the possibility that they’re all right? Could the fact that we’ve done such a great job - blindly as usual - staving off the coming ice through global warming - again quite blindly - that we’re actually bringing on an uncomfortable warm period followed by an Ice Age worse than what we were originally headed for? Perhaps we should not so easily dismiss the science behind the movie The Day After Tomorrow. Sadly however, history proves that while we can be very good at picking through the small stuff, we’re really bad when it comes to seeing the big picture.

8. Have you ever noticed how the products that claim to be more healthy are also more expensive? I guess this is just another example of how only the wealthy can afford good health care these days.

9. While watching tonight’s episode of 60 Minutes, a disturbing question occurred to me. One of the pieces was about the never ending fight between the peoples of the middle east over the Israeli / Palestinian lands. This reminded of children fighting over a toy and of the typical results of such disputes - destruction of the toy either by the kids or by an intervening parent. Considering the growing destructive power of the local players, and the enormous destructive capacities already in the hands of the powers seeking to settle the dispute, how long will it be before that area gets reduced to a gleaming radioactive wasteland that no one will live on for many, many years? Note that my reference to ’gleaming’ comes from my having heard that sand melted in a nuclear explosion would harden into green glass. Not that I’d advocate finding out in such a manner, but I would like to know if this is true.

10. Another piece from tonight’s episode of 60 Minutes was about the attempt by scientists to fight the effects of aging by producing pills made from a highly concentrated form of the chemical resperitol (?) found in red wine. They say that this chemical activates a gene in our bodies that cause it to go into a kind of ’survival’ mode, which increases the bodies ability to fight off the things that make aging so dangerous. As evidence, they showed the results from animal an microbial studies that seem to back up their claims. But 60 Minutes also presented people who claim that this same gene is activated through radical reductions in calorie intake. These people also had animal and human studies to back up their claim. They also claim that it is our high fat, high calorie diet that turn off the gene in the first place. So my question is this: Even if the new drug works as expected and is proven to be safe, doesn’t it simply represent another attempt by humans to escape the moral responsibility to take care of our bodies that freedom of lifestyle comes with?

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 3

Questions, questions everywhere, but I do wonder if anyone cares.

1. I loved reading Ayn Rand’s novel Anthem, as well as the beautiful tribute to it by Rush in 2112. In the book, however, society had devolved to the point where candles were amongst their greatest accomplishments. This was because they had rejected the philosophical basis on which a technological society must stand. In contrast, 2112 described a society dominated by a ruling class that used technology to enforce the same philosophical denials found in Anthem. This issue is important to me because I see signs of the same type of devolution happening in the real world, as evidenced by the dwindling numbers of young people taking up careers in the very disciplines used to build our modern world. Now, having an electronics background and a continuing interest in computers, I know that self-maintaining systems could one day become a reality. So my question is this: Could such a philosophically backwards society as that described in 2112 ever exist?

2. Ever since reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, I have been intrigued by the motor invented by the character John Galt, which ran on energy drawn directly from the Earth’s atmosphere. The few people I’ve discussed this with have all responded that such a device was impossible. But mankind has a long history of accomplishing things previously thought to be impossible. So I’m not so easily dissuaded. The way I see it, what we call ’weather’ is just nature’s rather chaotic way of seeking to balance the enormous energies produced by the even more enormous forces at work in, on, and around our planet. And if you’ve ever seen lightning you know that tapping into those energies is possible. The Earth does it thousands of times a day. Given that, wouldn’t you agree that it would be worthwhile to do some research into what could possibly be an unlimited source of energy and a way of taming the weather?

3. Now I believe that a person has an inviolate right to do anything with his money he wants, but I have been seeing almost the same ads asking for help for the starving kids of the world since I was a poor kid myself. Yet there seems to be more starving kids in the world than ever before. What’s up with that? I thought we’d figured out what causes kids.

4. This ’question’ is inspired by the TV show The Mentalist, which is on as I write. The way the main character, Jane(?), uses keen observation and deductive reasoning to solve mysteries puts him on par with Mr. Holmes himself. The particular thing that inspired me to rush to the keyboard was the response he gave when a cop mistakenly, and with typical disdain, referred to him as "that Psychic she’d heard about." I suppose the writers thought that the air of mysticism they cloak the guy in adds more appeal to the show, but having him answer, "There are no such things as Psychics." was just the perfect touch. Perfect because I feel like I’ve spent my entire life fighting to stay sane while drowning in a virtual sea of mysticism and superstition. Now with all this in mind, just how do you think that I have ’known,’ since I was a kid in the 70’s, that we were headed for both religion-inspired warfare and economic disaster? And trust me, we ain’t seen nothing yet. I really hope I’m wrong, but I haven’t been so far.

5. There was recent news that a Chinese company will soon market an electric car at roughly half the price of the much heralded Chevy Volt. The company’s automotive venture stems from it’s roots in the manufacture of, believe it or not, cell phone batteries! Could it be that we’d have been better off investing in Eveready rather than bailing out the auto industry? Maybe they could call their new car The Energizer Bunny! It keeps going and going...

6. On the subject of driving, wouldn’t a reckless driver be more accurately described as a ’wreckfull’ driver? Okay, my spell checker kind of spoiled this one a little. I actually thought the word was spelled ’wreckless.’ But damn it, the principle still matters!

7. On the subject of misused words, why do we call a someone who works hard to care for the things most important to him ’selfless’ and someone who apparently couldn’t care less ’selfish.’ Why if I didn’t know better... Hey wait. I don’t know better! Someone is trying to steal my self. Doe! That’s like the soul, right?

8. Regardless of how I may feel about the military or my experiences therein, it still pisses me of to hear people toss around words like ’service’ and ’sacrifice’ as if their experiences could in any way meet the definitions known all too well by those who have either survived, or have lost loved one to, real suffering. Just what do people think those words mean?

9. If a mother calls it a ’sacrifice’ to buy her kid new shoes for school instead of new kicks for herself to go clubbing, doesn’t that mean that she values her kicks more than she values her kid?

10. If harm to any part harms the whole, then why do we consider it a ’duty’ to give ’til it hurts?

I want ice water.

Addiction and The True Calling

When I was in drug rehabilitation, the given definition of addiction was, "a relationship with a mood altering experience that has life damaging consequences." Note that this definition makes no mention of the actual thing to which the person is addicted. Be it alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, work, or stamp collecting, it’s the consequence of the individual’s relationship with it that transforms that relationship into an addiction.

In short, an addict is a person who allows his pursuit of a thing to ruin the very life he seeks to enhance by pursuing it in the first place. Which brings me to point of this post: the addictive personality. This, I believe, is the true ’disease’ behind the symptom of addiction. You see, I have an addictive personality. When I find something that turns me on, whether it’s drugs, sex, work, computer programming, reading, listening to music, or writing, I fall head over heels into it at the cost of everything else.

It’s like The Neverending Story, where the kid falls into the book whenever he opens it. In fact, that’s the precise image I invoked to describe my addiction to reading. I would literally become so involved in whatever I was reading that I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I didn’t even go to work. I remember once, when I had finally got my hands on the last book in The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, I used speed to allow me to stay awake while I read all six books in four days. Fortunately, if I can even use that word, I did this during an extended work break. But you can bet that my wife wasn’t too pleased.

Using another analogy, I refer you to the episode of The Twilight Zone where Burgess Meredith played a guy who wished for nothing more than the unfettered freedom to pursue his love of reading. He was so happy when a great holocaust left him all alone to do just that - until he broke his glasses! As crazy as it sounds, that was both my dream and my nightmare during those times. I still get chills of anxiety when I think of it.

This particular addiction got so bad that my emotions began to run wild, eventually leading to the choked-down rage and impossible-to-hide crying episodes that have plagued me ever since. To this day, I get so emotional when I read a good book or listen to my favorite songs that it completely ruins the experience. If it weren’t for the anti-depressants I take, I couldn’t even muster the courage to try.

And it’s the same for all the other things that trigger my ’disease.’ In addition to space travel and super-heroes, I was absolutely obsessed with sex as a kid. On the job, I worked more overtime than anyone. When I learned to program, I thought of nothing else. When I could no longer work, I stayed home to binge on marijuana, programming, reading, music, pornography, writing (mostly porn), and all the crack cocaine I could get my hands on to ’help’ me do all those things non-stop. I can’t say why it’s important to me to point this out, but I simply wanted speed during this period and crack was what I was able to find.

Ironically, I was actually looking for a way to kill myself when I stumbled upon crack. And as sick as it might sound, it actually gave me something to live for, at least for a while, since it had a kind of Popeye’s Spinach effect on me. When I finally lost my family and my friends, I lapsed into a hermit-like state that I’m just now beginning to come out of. My misery was so complete at one point that I even tried drinking to numb my pain and shut down my head, and when that didn’t work I turned back to suicide. Fortunately both alcohol and ’downers’ make me puke, so I didn’t succeed at either. Trust me, I haven’t always thought that was such a fortunate thing.

Now as I’ve said before, in addition to being a source of pleasure for me, writing serves as a kind of therapy. But the pen, or rather the keyboard, can be a double-edged sword for me. If you’ve followed this blog at all, you’ll have noticed that I have written quite a lot. In fact, I’ve done little else since I started this blog in the middle of November ’08. Such is the dilemma that I now face. I love what I’m doing so much, and finally feel that I’m really serving a worthwhile cause, that I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve found my ’true calling.’ But my experience forces me to wonder if this is just another symptom of my ’disease.’

You know how it’s said that you can’t see the forest for the trees? It’s like that when I try to weigh the consequences of this continuous writing. I don’t work, other than my writing, and I have no particular place to be. When I do have an appointment, I keep it. I take my med’s and prepare all my own meals. And the lack of a social life is ’normal’ for me. So aside from missing a lot of sleep, drinking too much coffee, and smoking too many cigarettes, it’s hard to find a truly negative consequence. But if I were a ’normal’ person with a job and family to tend to, this behavior would be excessive to say the least.

So for once I am truly at a loss. It’s not like there’s anyone I trust to advise me in this area. The psychiatrists and psychologists can’t seem to see past my drug abuse, ignoring the fact that my ’disease’ predates my drug abuse by many years. And the rehab community can only suggest that I turn my will over to ’a higher power’ or to ’the group’ - neither of which are acceptable to me. So I guess that I’ll just have to keep on doing what feels right. And that is to "Keep On Truckin’."

I welcome your comments. But still, as always,

I want ice water.

Tolerance... Not! Racism

Because of the profound effect that this issue has had on me personally, deciding how to tackle the subject of racial intolerance has been a difficult task. Growing up in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s as the offspring of racially mixed parents has provided me with more than a little experience with racism. So much so that I hardly know where to begin. But I know that in order to give this issue a fair and rational review, I must be willing to set aside the emotions evoked by it. As one who suffers from depression, brought on in part by my experiences in this area, I hope that you can understand why this is difficult for me. I’m certainly no Mr. Spock, but I do know to use reason and logic to get at the root of a problem.

The first thing to be done is to untangle of all the imagery and confusion that any discussion of race is bound to provoke. Now everybody knows about America’s history involving the enslavement of Blacks. And while there is absolutely no way to excuse that, it is helpful to remember that Blacks represent just one case in a very long history of similar travesties committed by Man. In fact, I think you’d have a hard time finding any group that hasn’t been similarly mistreated at one time or another. Next we must realize that many acts considered to be racially motivated have actually been motivated by what is commonly called peer pressure. I call it collectivist politics.

Anyone who has spent much time with other people, and I’ve had just about enough, has to have noticed that a person’s behavior can be profoundly influenced by those around them. Only an idiot actually believes that a person deserves to be mistreated because of his skin color. But even an idiot knows he can be outcast if he doesn’t get with the program. This same logic applies whether the issue involves race, religion, ethnicity, sexual preference, or the side of the tracks one was born on. So you see the real issue is not racism at all. This is behavior motivated by collectivist politics - the evil acts of one group against another as justified by the mere fact that the first group is stronger and the other group is ’different.’

When I was a little kid in Charleston, West Virginia, the police would routinely conduct these brutal sweeps to clear the streets of my neighborhood. All of the cops were White. All of those arrested were Black. I’d like to believe that this was done to keep homeless drunks from causing trouble, but that could just be wishful thinking. During this same period I was often the butt of jokes about how I would eventually try to pass myself off as White. As you can probably imagine, discovering that people thought that way about me was not only confusing, but damn scary as well.

In 1965, during a car trip back from spending Christmas in Florida with my father, I got locked inside a White owned restaurant in Georgia. Being a naive little boy, I had run ahead to be the first one inside. I was so busy spinning on one of the bar stools that I didn’t even notice that the doors had been locked after I came in, to keep my dad and his girlfriend out. Because of my appearance, no one inside realized that I was with them until I ran to the door my dad was pounding on. I’m not sure if I was more afraid of being locked inside or of what my father would do if they didn’t open the door. Those poor fools had no idea of the kind of man there were keeping from his son. Fortunately, an apologetic waitress let me out and my dad’s girlfriend was able to talk my dad into just leaving.

In 1966 the country apparently went nuts from all the racial tension. Because I still had a small shred of innocence left in me, my first knowledge of this came when my Black friends decided that we should leave our elementary school in protest. Unfortunately, the only White friend I had at the time had been assigned, as playground monitor, to prevent kids from wandering off. Because I was so desperate to be considered genuinely Black for a change, I allowed myself to be pressured into being the one to remove ’the White obstruction to our freedom.’ He was just a good kid trying to do what he was assigned to do, so he refused. It was then, out of embarrassment and frustration, that I committed one of the most shameful acts of my life by punching him in the stomach. I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t even leave with the others. I’m not sure why he didn’t report me, but I lost a good friend forever.

In 1968, while living in Los Angeles, I was jumped by two Black kids because according to them, and unbeknownst to me, their classroom was at war with my classroom. That got me started on the path from being the sixth grade salutatorian to being one of the world’s worst truants. When Dr. King was murdered a few months later, I was terrified at the prospect of looking so White while living in an all Black community. This was because there were rumors about Black gangs venting their wrath on Whites.

In 1969, while I was riding a bicycle a few blocks from home, some Black people sent their dog after me. When they discovered that they actually knew me, after I had fallen and broken my arm, they said that they’d only done it because they thought I was White. After that I went almost nowhere, let alone to school. With truancy being a such big issue with the government, and with my attitude turning more negative by the day, I became more ’trouble’ than my Sister wanted to deal with. So she shipped me back to my Mom in Ohio.

All of these things can be attributed to racism, and it’s clear to me that the stupidity operates in all directions. However, they can also be attributed to collectivist thinking motivating a desire to impress one group at the expense of others. That was certainly the case when I punched my friend in the stomach.

If you’ve read my Opening Rant article, then you’re familiar with my belief that each of us thinks and acts according to the personal philosophy we have chosen to guide us - whether we’re conscious of that choice or not. And Collectivism is the most dangerous kind of philosophy precisely because it’s so nebulous and unspoken - exactly what appeals to the masses who can’t be bothered to look beyond the moment. Simply stated, Collectivism allows that anything is okay so long as it can be justified as ’necessary’ by those powerful enough to impose their will. While it has been used historically to dominate Autocracies and Theocracies, it’s most commonly found in the form it takes in today’s so-called Democracies.

Now please don’t misunderstand me. I believe that democratic rule can be the ideal form of government. But we’ll never achieve that ideal so long as the majority simply bow to collectivist politics because they’re too stupid or too afraid to object. Let’s take a look at where this type of thinking as gotten us so far, shall we.

Apparently, just about everyone said the Hebrews were inferior. Voila! Hebrews were persecuted for many, many years!

The Roman and the Jews said the Christians were dangerous. Voila! Christians were persecuted for many, many years!

The Christians said the Holy Land must be purged. Voila! We got Crusaders!

The Muslims said the Holy Land must be purged. Voila! We got Jihad!

The Whites proclaimed Manifest Destiny. Voila! Ethnic cleansing of Native Americans!

The Whites said that Blacks were inferior. Voila! 400 years of Black enslavement!

The Nazis said the Jews should be exterminated. Voila! Fire up the ovens!

During WWII, the majority said we just can’t trust them slant eyes. Voila! Americans in concentration camps!

After WWII, the majority said that the Jews deserve their promised land. Voila! Israelis in, Palestinians out!

Muslim extremists decided to attack The Great Satan. Voila! We got 9/11!

The U.S. retaliated for 9/11. Duh? We go to war in Iraq? Doe!

And let us not forget those ’special’ cases where those imposing their will didn’t seem so dangerous. Voila! We got Rioters, Bombers, Snipers, Terrorists, and School Massacres!

Just in case you thought there was none, let’s now take a look at how this kind of thinking affects the economy.

The majority said the wealthy should pay more taxes. Voila! We got a progressive tax scale!

The wealthy hired lawyers to fight against excessive taxes. Voila! We got tax sheltering and tax evasion!

The majority said the poor should pay less taxes. Voila! The primary users of government services pay almost nothing for them!

The majority said we shouldn’t use ’illegal’ drugs. Voila! We got ourselves a drug war on all fronts and a prison system bursting at the seams - very expensive!

The majority said we should unleash the power of Wall Street so everyone can pay less taxes. Voila! We got economic disaster!

The majority screamed, "DO SOMETHING." Voila! It’ll take generations to pay off all this debt!

If you were to ask anyone in the majority if they were wrong when these decisions were being made, the response would almost certainly be a resounding "Hell no! Just ask anybody!" Those who suffer from these ’high minded’ decisions would of course be dismissed as ignorant scum who’s opinions don’t count anyway. And most of them were usually too ignorant or too afraid to speak out anyway. Remember the little boy who dared to ask why the Emperor was naked? The sad fact is, if you searched through all of history, you’d have a hard time finding a single man-made disaster that didn’t have some sort of collectivist rationale behind it.

As far as the treatment of Blacks in America is concerned, our great leaders - the Black leadership as well as the federal government - have merely tried to replace one collectivist nightmare with another. It must be remembered that every one of the state and local governments that looked so bad during the civil rights movement were financed by public funds. But instead of passing - and enforcing - laws that would have made it impossible for them to use tax money for racially biased policies, our leaders - with complete approval from the majority - have simply instituted a racially based ’quota system’ in it’s place.

Again, it must be remembered that the majority of Whites were actually behind the civil rights movement, even if many were afraid to show it. Laws that would have taken away the power of local government to enforce the ’peer pressure’ of a powerful minority on them was all that they needed to speak out. But instead of actually leveling the playing field by guaranteeing the individual’s right to decide who deserves his or her support, the federal government has wasted many billions of dollars on a collectivist bureaucracy founded on institutionalized racism.

The bottom line is that what we call racism is only one of the countless faces of collectivist politics. And if we want to have better relations between any of the various groups on Earth, we’re going to have to rid ourselves of the profound stupidity that stands in the way: Collectivism. If President Obama is as smart as he seems, he’ll focus the spotlight on the real issues and not allow it to be pointed at something so trivial as the color of his skin.

After all, everyone will be nicely tanned in the future. Deal with it!

A good metaphor for how we've dealt racism in this country can be found in The Trees by the group Rush.

I want ice water.

Tolerance... Not! Religion

Right from the start, I must state that I have difficulty tolerating religion of any kind. While I’ve found the majority of the religious people I have known to be kind and decent in general, I doubt that I’ll ever really trust anyone who’s choices are guided by belief in the supernatural. This mistrust is a big part of the ’hate’ half of my relationship with my fellow man. The ’love’ half, on the other hand, derives from the potential for greatness that we all so clearly possess. It’s that potential that gives me hope for a better tomorrow and the faith that we can learn to deserve it.

To the point then. This article is intended to discuss religious intolerance. This is a peculiar issue indeed, as it seems to me that the only ones showing a lack of tolerance for religious belief are the religious people themselves. Only a rare few atheists even speak out against religion, let alone commit the kind of cruel and horrible acts associated with this issue. And yet, history shows that supernatural mythology - Mysticism - has been used to justify the most heinous atrocities ever committed by men.

Even when men like Stalin and Mao sought to eradicate religion’s influence in the horrible manner that they did, it was only because they wanted to replace that influence with one equally as irrational and dangerous: Statism. And while I don’t say that they’re actions were in any way defensible, what they did was entirely to be expected in the anything goes atmosphere created when we believe that our lives our best managed by ’other’ hands. I’ll talk more about the other ’isms’ in another article.

Now I’d like to be able to present all the pros and cons applicable to this discussion, so that I’ll not be thought of as ’heartless’ or ’unfeeling.’ But the ugly truth is that there are no ’pros’ to shine a favorable light on irrational thoughts and actions. And as much as I hate to be the one to burst the bubble of hope that some supernatural force will step in to save us in the eleventh hour, I must instead remind you that the hell we live in is of our own making and we are the only ’power’ available to chill things out.

At it’s base, all religions stand on the belief that Man will behave badly if left to his own devices. They were created as a means of regulating Mankind’s base nature in order to provide for a more civilized world. And Man’s history of behaving badly when he isn’t controlled seems to back that up. I’m sure that those who founded the religions of the world saw great merit in teaching that there was a power greater then Man that would impose justice on even the very powerful.

But manipulating the ignorant inevitably leads to great numbers of ignorant people who are vulnerable to manipulation, and there will always be those who would take advantage of that vulnerability to further their own less than enlightened ends. And that is precisely what has resulted from a history filled with attempts to control people by leveraging their superstitions against them. Despite some very good things that have been done in the name of God, the balance of history falls far more heavily on the side of tragedy.

Obviously, Mankind does need to know that there’s a price to be paid for behaving badly. But that knowledge cannot be gained by those who choose to be ignorant. That knowledge can only come through rigorous dedication to learning how the universe actually works, so that we can better foresee the results of our actions. Only by having the courage to seek out and live by the truth, can we ever hope to achieve a truly civilized world. Our influence on one another should be limited to leadership by example and genuinely constructive criticism.

Okay, today is Christmas, so I’ll try to show some charity. To lighten the mood a little, I offer this: I don’t recall if it was on The Outer Limits or The Twilight Zone, but thoughts of religion always remind of the episode where the helpful aliens arrived on Earth bearing a big book with the title To Serve Man. Call me a sentimental old fool, but I hope that the prayers of my religious friends aren’t dashed the way those poor Earthling’s were when they found out that To Serve Man was a cookbook! Well, maybe ’hope’ isn’t the exact word to describe my feelings.

Now I know that there will be those who say that the idea of aliens coming to Earth is just as irrational as the belief in God. Not true! Alien visitors would at least be actual physical beings that used technology derived from science to get here. God, on the other hand, is an all-knowing and all-powerful ’spirit’ who just happens to be so bored that he has nothing better to do than peek and poke into the ant farm he created just for us. Big difference! But maybe we’re both wrong. Maybe all those UFOs people report seeing are crammed full of God’s friends come to check out the nice zoo in the back yard of His crib.

If it’s any solace to my religious friends, I believe that however we came to exist, we’ve been ’given’ all that we need and then left alone and free to sort things out for ourselves. Of course, it doesn’t help that Christmas has become another justification for filling our kid’s heads with the belief that all their wishes can be granted by supernatural beings, not to mention the ’duty’ we feel to ’save’ our economy by spending our last dime on presents. If there’s a lesson to be learned from the current state of our economy, it’s that you can’t get something for nothing.

We must always count the costs of our aspirations, and have the guts to cut our losses when they’re not worth it. While it may be laudable to encourage feelings of love and giving, it’s downright inexcusable to deny credit to the very human beings doing all the giving. And ’humble’ is not the word I’d use to describe how, even when the huge bills arrive after this orgy of self-sacrifice and greed, people will still somehow consider it ’godly’ to have behaved in such a manner.

Please don’t misinterpret my statements to mean that I advocate denying anyone the right to be religious. What I’m trying to advocate is true freedom of thought and speech for everyone, and the evaluation of points of view based on the respect they earn through free and open-minded deliberation. Just as our children must grow beyond the myths we use to protect and inspire them during their early years, so Mankind must grow beyond the mythologies that, while helpful in more primitive times, now threaten not only our prosperity but our very survival as a species. We must grow up before we can rightfully call ourselves ’advanced’ beings.

I can’t resist a parting shot at the three religions I’m most familiar with. For the Christians, Jethro Tull said that "If Jesus saves, well he’d better save himself, from the gory glory seekers who use his name in death." For the Muslims, I can only misquote the monster from Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein: "Islam-a-BAD!" And finally, do I really have to do any more than remind everyone that the Jews think that they are God’s ’chosen’ people?

To close, I’ll just include a bit more from that wise old minstrel Jethro Tull:

"How do you dare to tell me, that I’m my father’s son?

When that was just an accident of birth.

I’d rather look around me. Compose a better song.

’Cause that’s the honest measure of my worth.

In your pomp and all of your glory, you’re a poorer man than me.

As you lick the boot of death worn out of fear...

When I was young, and they packed me off to school.

And they taught me how not to play the game.

I didn’t mind if they groomed me for success

Or if they said that I was just a fool.

So to my old headmaster, and to anyone who cares,

Before I’m through I’d like to say my prayers.

Well you can excommunicate me on my way to Sunday school.

And have all the Bishops harmonize these lines:

I don’t believe you. You had the whole damned thing all wrong.

He’s not the kind you have to wind up on Sunday."

Sorry. The ’devil’ made me do it!

I want ice water.