“Mission To Mars” – Inspiration For Humility

Arthur C. Clarke once said: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” An example of this came to me while watching Mission To Mars for the 3rd or 4th time the other day. Once again, I was struck by the awesomeness of it’s closing sequence.

I don’t care how “highly evolved” a person thinks he is, an encounter with beings that had supposedly caused our species to come into existence would have to be like encountering the Gods themselves. Talk about restoring your sense of humility!

While I haven’t exactly encountered any “Gods” lately, I have had a recent “humbling experience” that inspired me to write this article. I received an e-mail from a friend a while back describing an historic “close encounter” with the planet Mars that the Earth is supposedly about to have. I don’t recall what it was that reminded me of it, but I decided to look at it again so that I could mark my calendar. After all, who would want to miss such an historic event?

And that’s were I very nearly put my proverbial foot in my mouth – big time. I was so impressed with the images included in the e-mail, that it seemed as if I had found precisely the kind of “golden nugget” an astronomy geek “wannabe” like me should create a blog post around. So, with gleeful abandon, I rushed to get it published…

You know, I can’t really say what it was that inspired me to do the google search, although I tell myself it was to see if there were more interesting aspects to the story that I could have included. But the results of the search revealed “interesting aspects to the story” far beyond my expectations.

Apparently, this “hoax” e-mail gets updated and put back into circulation every year or so, just for the purpose of humiliating dumb-assed would be astronomy “know it alls” who fall for it. Imagine me screaming at my old hunk-o-junk to “Hurry up you slow piece of %&#$!” as I scrambled to delete the post from this blog.

I know my that friend had no knowledge of the illegitimate nature of the e-mail, but after all, the many “provocative” statements I’ve made here has already put my credibility on what some consider “shaky” ground.

I want ice water.

Me No Know KeyMoSobbi - Part 1

I hope you get my attempt at humor in the title of this post. It refers, in my version of phonetic spelling, to Tonto's frequent answer to The Lone Ranger's questions. And as the title suggests, this post will consist of a random collection of questions. They range from pure silliness to more serious issues of philosophy and science. Some I've thought about for years, some are more recent, and I won't be surprised if I think of new ones as I write. The creative process is like that. It's also possible that I'll answer my own question while trying to verbalize it. The creative process is like that too. I really hope that it happens. If it does, I'll write about my answer as well.

So please grant me a resounding "No, my slow friend. There are no stupid questions!" And as The Joker said: "Here... we... go!"

1. This one has bothered me for years. Astronomers say that the universe is approximately 14.5 billion years old. They also say that it began in The Big Bang and has been expanding ever since. In addition, they say that since light takes time to travel over a distance, we see distant stars as they were when the light we see left them. So light that left a star a thousand years ago will show us the state of that star as it was a thousand years ago. Okay, I can except that. But these same folks are now claiming that their cutting-edge telescopes now allow them to see the very edge of the universe - nearly 14 billion light-years away. They say this distance also allows them to see back in time to right after The Big Bang. They even claim to have pictures of what they call 'infant galaxies' to prove it. This brings several questions to mind:

a. Call me stupid but, if the universe was so much smaller that far back in time, wouldn't objects whose light left them at that time appear to be much, much, MUCH closer to us?

b. Could an 'evolving' physics have allowed objects to travel so much faster back then than they can now?

c. Could the speed of light itself have 'evolved' over time?

d. What does the universe look like from the edge?

e. What would you see looking out from the edge?

2. According to the religious, Man is nothing but 'dust in the wind.' If that's so, then how did we manage to create so many Gods?

3. According to the religious, Man's creations are nothing but 'dust in the wind.' If that's so, then what does that say about all those Gods we've created?

4. According to the religious, Man is God's favorite creation. If you were one of the countless possible creatures in the universe, wouldn't that just piss you off? Maybe that's why some people fear alien invaders.

5. Science has shown that we aren't, in fact, at the center of the universe. We actually inhabit an inconspicuous little planet, circling a back water system, in a run of the mill galaxy, amongst billions of other galaxies. Doesn't our true greatness lie in our ability to recognize these facts and get on with it anyway?

6. Let's say we live in some highly advanced technological society where all our food can be 'replicated' from 'raw atoms' or some such. Does killing for food then become immoral no matter how much we like to kill or chomp?

7. Considering the messy ways in which we reproduce and eliminate bodily wastes, does this mean that God has a really twisted sense of humor?

8. Why do people insist on asking what's wrong with me when they know very well that they have neither the time nor the patience to have me list all of the things that are wrong with me?

9. With all the abuse they have to take from the 'normal' people, why would homosexuals want to be called 'gay?'

10. Why don't lesbians refer to themselves as 'gay?' Aren't they happy? Okay, I know that's two questions.

11. We've got ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, millions, billions, and trillions. What's next? At the rate we're blowing through money, I think we'd better find out soon. And to think that people made fun of Carl Sagan!

12. If time is money, then what is money - from a philosophical perspective? Perhaps it represents the part of my life, time which I'll never get back, that has been spent earning my money. Could it be that money, and the property it buys, actually equates to life? Okay, I know that was two questions, but you won't catch me telling someone who's been robbed of his property that 'at least you have your life.' Especially not if that person is too old to re-earn all that he's lost!

13. If no 'place' existed before The Big Bang, then 'where' was God standing when he caused it?

14. If heaven is such a great place, then why aren't even the most religious people in a hurry to get there? Is that doubt I smell? Alright already with the bitching about multiple questions.

15. If heaven is the opposite of hell, then do the people there have to wear long johns under all those robes?

16. Did all of the people who figured out how to drive in winter last year move away, to be replaced by a new crop from the Caribbean?

17. Were the people who named the city of Islamabad trying to tell us something?

18. Aren't terms like 'military intelligence' and 'religious freedom' kind of oxymoronic?

19. If Man is such a terrible sinner, so riddled with faults that he should strive to correct, then why would the desire for perfection be considered one of his greatest sins?

20. The host of PBS's Wild Chronicles said that I have a greater chance of being struck by lightning than being bitten by a shark. I wonder if he meant me as a member of the total population, me as a member of the smaller population that occasionally spends time in the ocean, or me as a member of the smaller still population that happens to be in the ocean at a given moment?

Okay, that's it. I'm tired and my brain hurts. I'll post more questions later. After all, "I gotta million of 'em!"

I want ice water.